He's been showing me I've once again fallen into a habit of looking at the people in the world around me, and focusing on the need rather than the Answer to that need. I've been feeling overwhelmed by the magnitude of what needs to change in so many hearts and lives, if my generation is truly going to see any true, noticeable advancement of the Gospel and the Kingdom of God.
When I started college last Fall, before long I started feeling sort of like Elijah in 1 Kings 19 when he cried out to God saying he was the last of those that followed the LORD in Israel. It wasn't quite that extreme, I knew, because I have been blessed with many brothers and sisters in different parts of the country and the world who are passionately and wholeheartedly pursuing and living for Christ. But at college, I started feeling sort of like part of a dying breed, like I was one of the only people whose heart was broken over certain things I was seeing around me. But just as He did to Elijah, God spoke to me and reminded me of His great power. He told Elijah He still had seven thousand in Israel that had not bowed their knees to Baal, and in much the same way He reminded me of something He gave me a glimpse of a vision for several years ago. He wants to move mightily in my generation. He plans to. Even now, He is raising up saints and soldiers who will surrender their lives to Him and give themselves to advance His Kingdom and glory in this earth. Funny how I can forget that sometimes.
That season of broken-heartedness during my first semester was followed by one of worshipful, deeper discoveries of who God is and how infinitely big He is, how almighty and awesome. This is the God who has pulled off the impossible again and again throughout human history. Is anything too hard for Him?
Yet somehow, as humans we have this tendency at times to let our focus shift from our great God to all the mountains around us that must be moved. We forget Who must move those mountains, and begin to feel very small and incapable, to realize the utter impossibility of the task. But even though God could just pick up those mountains and toss them into the sea with less effort than it takes you or I to blink, He has chosen to work through the people He calls His own, through a very unique tool known as faith. Remember? Jesus said that faith the size of a mustard seed is enough to tell a mountain to move, and it would be moved. Is that a result of our faith--or of the One in whom our faith is placed?
Lately I've been struck by the sheer magnitude of the things that need to be overcome in my city, in America, in the world, and in the Church. I don't know why, but for some reason I've just never realized either the number of people involved or the level of delusion that has overcome so many. And once again, I started to feel like it's pretty impossible to hope for much to change for the better in this world we live in.
But then, God started reminding me of some things again... He brought up some specific memories of times He's very clearly spoken to me, or just filled me with hope and expectancy for things that, apart from Him, truly are impossible. And He aimed a rather pointed question/charge at my heart. He convicted me of not praying big enough. Of limiting my requests to the One who alone is the very Source of all power and grace. Of somehow thinking I could only pray for the small things, or that the small things were big enough.
Several years ago, God challenged me to dream bigger. It came after all my plans for my future had crumbled into dust, and for some time I had been utterly clueless as to what I wanted to be when I grew up, what I was going to do with my life. I had given up the goals I had set for myself for so long, and without them I literally had no clue what my life would look like after high school and college. Before God turned my world upside down, my dreams (in hindsight) were pretty mediocre and dull. I wanted to be a veterinarian, which I might've enjoyed to some extent, and have a husband, kids, pets, a house, etc. All the usual stuff. My idea for my future was puny, insignificant, and hollow. It was successful, perhaps, in the eyes of the world, but it lacked a driving purpose other than doing what I wanted to do in working with animals. I had let that dream go, but didn't know what to replace it with.
And that's when God told me to dream bigger. He challenged me to aim for a life filled with purpose--the very purpose I was created for, to glorify Him. Slowly, He started highlighting some areas He had gifted and called me in--most of them things I had only begun to discover after the old vision had been given up. I still had no clue what it was going to look like; I just knew some of what it would involve.
Now, revisiting that memory and others, God's been asking me if I'm willing to really trust Him to do all the things I have asked Him for--particularly in regards to my city and my generation. And if I focus on the mountains of impossibility, my heart quails and wants to shy away from ever praying the bold prayers I know my King is asking of me. But that's not where my gaze should be.
"Behold, I am the LORD, the God of all flesh: is there any thing too hard for Me?"
-Jeremiah 32:27
"What shall we say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?"
-Romans 8:31
"Lord, let us be a generation that seeks,
Seeks Your face, oh God of Jacob." -Kutless
May we come to the place of faith that C.T. Studd so poignantly described: "We will a thousand times sooner die trusting only our God, than live trusting in man." I'm not claiming that I've reached a point of utter confidence as to what God intends to do in my generation just yet--but I know I need to fight for it. I know I need to pray for greater faith, and to recklessly trust Him to do what only He can. I don't know what it will look like; but I know He is able. And when it comes down to it, that's all I really need to know.
My Hope Is in You.
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