Where the Rubber Meets the Road

I've thought about writing this post for a while now. I've put it off for many reasons, but tonight it just feels like it's coming out whether I like it or not. Truth is, I'm in the middle of a season that has in some ways stretched longer than I expected it to, and in others has already flown by so fast that it's a frequent reminder of how fleeting this thing called time is.

I'm still in college. And lately, that makes me smile ruefully because if I'd followed my plan heading out of high school, I could have been done by now. Don't ask me how much longer I have, because I honestly don't know. God has literally turned every plan I had for college inside-out. I haven't graduated yet; I've transferred schools and taken a semester off last year after having taken an entire year off between the end of high school and my Freshman year at my first college; while I have a major (which I was still undecided on when I graduated high school), I've slowed down in my pursuit of it, partially in order to get as much out of it as I can. I've never really loved school. I've enjoyed learning alright, but I've always wanted to be done with school as quickly and painlessly as possible. While that hasn't changed though, I'm now eager for the opportunity and excuse to stick around longer than the typical schedule would have me here. Because what I've mostly learned all throughout my college experience thus far, is that it's not so much about the grades and the classes and the education, as it is about the people, and about following Christ and seeking Him first and foremost in everything.

And, I'm still living at home. That changed for a few years, but since the college transition last year I've been back in my parents' house for the time-being. And I'll readily admit, that hasn't always been easy. But I came to grips pretty early on after I moved back that finding another living situation merely to escape issues or conflict was not the right motivation, but that I needed to work through things with my family and learn to do life with differing schedules and more communication about such things. And while we're still not always perfect with how we handle such things, things have gotten better and in hindsight I've been able to see more clearly the importance of sticking things out rather than fleeing for mere convenience's sake.

Meanwhile, my little sister (younger by a year) just got married last month to a swell guy I'm pleased to call my brother. And she's not the only one: friend after friend is getting married or engaged or having children and sending me adorable pictures of them. And while God's been clearer than He by rights ever had to be with me that all that lies ahead of me somewhere, now just doesn't seem to be it. Ironically, I find myself yearning for that time to come sooner more often in the midst of seeing divorces and struggling marriages around me--not because I think I could handle it any better, but because I yearn for the opportunity to go through the ups and downs of this life with the commitment to someone I'm one with, to wrestle through the hard stuff and see our weakness and look to the One who is able to redeem us and our own brokenness in the midst of everything.

But you know what? I would not trade this season, for all its difficulty, for all its loneliness, for all its drudgery (ahem, schoolwork), or all its length. God has given me the incredible opportunity to walk a path that doesn't necessarily make sense to the culture we live in, because I'm not reliant on an education, a career, or a significant other. Just Jesus. Because He is enough. And I wouldn't trade the opportunity I have in the right here and the right now to live this out and prove with some small portion of my life that it's not about success; it's not about an earthly romance; it's not about a ten-year plan or that family and white-picket fence ideal. You need none of these things to be whole. Just Jesus. And He's worth it. He's worth seeing my plans shattered, whether He brings new and more beautiful ones from the shards or not. He's worth trusting even when I can't see how things are going to fall into place.

I have the awesome privilege of pouring some of my time and energy into some amazing young ladies in my church family. And there's absolutely no way I would trade this season of being able to live out in front of them the fact that they don't need a guy in order to follow Jesus. That this singleness is not a drudgery of pining, but an adventure to be taken hold of, in which there is very little that needs to hold you back from learning to walk boldly, humbly, and increasingly-closely with your God. In a lot of ways, I get to spread myself thinner in this season than I will someday when I do have a husband and family to spend the majority of my energy pouring into. At the same time, this season is practice and training for what lies ahead. I've noticed God tends to be preparing us fro the next step in some way even when we're oblivious to it; later we look back and see how everything was built together to get us to this moment. Loving people well now is preparation for loving them better in the future. Learning to love like He loves is a process, and it's one none of us have reached the end of yet.

Despite the cultural norms that tell us our life will suddenly become ideal when this piece or that one falls into place (i.e., when you get that dream job, or marry your best friend, finish that degree, or move to a "better" place)--the truth is it's in the here and now that the rubber meets the road, where who you are and what you're about are tested repeatedly throughout every day. This moment prepares you for tomorrow, and whether you succeed or fail is not nearly as important as what you turn to. Because I serve a God who has picked me up after my worst mistakes and failures, and caused me to stand not because I had it in me, but because I had Him in me. I serve a God who has taken all my relative "successes" and asked me to let them go, to lean not on what my own abilities can accomplish, but on His ability to accomplish so much more.

Dad and I recently went to see Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier, and as we were driving home he shared with me that at some point during the movie it had hit him that Captain America can save so many people from dying temporarily, but only Jesus can save them from dying eternally--that what Jesus saves is saved forever. You and I can do many things to benefit others or make this world a little bit more of a nicer place to live in. But I would much rather make it a harder place to stay dead in. It's something only God can make happen, but I firmly believe He's invited us to work alongside Him and be His hands and feet to reach the people of this world with His heart.

It's not always sunshine and triumph. Many times it's years of seemingly-fruitless toil and tears and prayers, or long nights of grief over things, situations, relationships that are not right in this world. Often it's learning to love in the midst of brokenness, to respond with kindness when it would be easier and even instinct to respond with harshness or venom. It's learning to be there for someone even when you feel you have nothing to offer them, or when you feel you need that last ounce of energy for yourself and your own sanity. It's being quick to listen and slow to speak, quick to bless and slow to curse, quick to comfort and slow to lecture, quick to forgive and slow to anger, quick to lay down your life for another and slow to put your own best interest above another's.

So what do you say? Are you in? He's calling you, just as He's calling me. Let's not waste our days waiting for life to start in the future; let's be a part of the future coming to the here and now. His Kingdom will come and is coming to this broken earth. I'd rather be in the midst of the fray than on the sidelines as I watch Him transform hearts and minds for His glory. I've found it usually involves my own heart and mind being transformed as well. And isn't that the point--that we all end up looking a little more like Jesus each day? There's no better place to be than the center of His will. 

Follow hard. Eternal life starts now.