Prove It.

The other night, I was driving home after spending time with some believers, and the tiredness started to sink in. I guess you'd even call it a happy sort of tired, or contented exhaustion. And it hit me, that in a sense God's making me eat my own words by having me carry out a challenge I issued to other Christians a while back. About a year and a half ago, I wrote a post called "Burnout?" addressing the idea that's become pretty prevalent in our generation, that spreading yourself too thin will result in your being worn down to the point you become useless. I made some pretty bold statements in that post, but they were founded on Scripture.

And so, rather than letting me set things forth on principle and leave it at that, it seems God has asked me, "Prove it." So there's the answer to the vague question that's been hanging around in my head for the last few months about why my life is so hectic and outright busy these days, and why it just won't seem to let up. Towards the end of last Spring semester, as finals were approaching and I was working to finish and revise final papers and portfolios and other such fun college assignments, I thought (with a decent amount of dread), "And, it's not about to slow down one bit." And it hasn't. I went from wrapping up the school semester to working full time for a few weeks, to being gone to Mexico for five weeks (which was also fairly non-stop), to coming back to preparations for my sister's wedding, to a week-long trip with the youth group, to arriving back in Memphis just in time to rush to the airport to pick up the photographers, go straight to rehearsal dinner, and the next day was the actual wedding. Then, I went back to working full-time for the rest of the summer (roughly a month), had a brief respite of a long weekend visiting relatives and a friend in Atlanta, and just as this semester started a death in the family took me out of state for a funeral in the middle of the first week of class. I'd say things are finally starting to settle into routine, but this next week my schedule shifts yet again to accommodate training that will last most of this month, and after that I honestly don't know what happens.

Life, in a word, has been busy. But although the pressure of a packed schedule tends to bring out hidden abilities to somehow get everything (or close to it, at least) done, I don't thrive well off of sheer busyness. I don't particularly like sitting still, but just running all the time wears on me and makes me start to suffocate. When I don't have time for people, I feel as though I'm not really living; just existing in a blur of wasted efforts. Because people, they matter. Grades don't. Money doesn't. Sleep, is worth less (but that one is actually somewhat necessary for life).

So here I am in the midst of much busyness, much constant strain and wear and tear on body, mind, and soul. And it's seldom easy. And I've thrown my share of pity parties bemoaning the fact that life shows no sign of slowing down anytime soon. And I've walked through many, many days (including pretty much the entirety of that youth trip and even my sister's wedding) feeling like I was running on empty, like I had absolutely nothing left within me to offer to those around me. But do you know what happened because of it? I had no choice but to fully rely upon God for strength, energy, words, and everything else. It was that, or collapse in a heap somewhere and completely give up. But I knew my God is strong even when I'm weak and depleted. And He proved Himself as exactly that, and I watched again and again as He used my weakness to demonstrate His strength.

I'm still watching Him do it. Because I still, so often, just feel tired. But do you know, our God never gets tired; He's never weary, never sleeps, never ceases to watch over us and to work all things according to His design. He does not faint, but He increases our strength when we have none to call our own.

So if I have to keep on living this out, I'll do it gladly. Because there's no greater joy than following His lead and watching Him move in this earth, even just in the simple things like carrying me past exhaustion. There's nothing like relying on Him when you know you have nothing in yourself to lean on. And there's nothing better than watching Him use even the frailest vessel to show forth His perfect strength.