Entering the Battle (Notes on Music: Part 1)

I mean that title. But before I get into it, let me tell you what I don't mean by it. I don't mean I'm looking for trouble or I'm planning to be antagonistic about all this. I don't mean I'm wanting to start some kind of debate. By nature, I am a shy, sheepish person who doesn't particularly like stirring up hornets' nests. But beneath the surface there is a fire, a burning passion that somehow can't sit still and watch all the time, and leave things the way they are. I'm aware that some of the things I have to say in upcoming posts are not going to be popular, and they might make you feel uncomfortable, or offended, or uncertain. I'm not asking you to agree with every word I say or every facet of opinion I hold regarding art or music or the music industry or even our culture. You don't have to agree with me. In fact, you don't even have to read it.

But I have to write it. I have to write it because it has been welling up inside me for so long and the dam's about to break if I try to put it off longer. I have to write it because I can't keep silent any longer, because there is a battle going on over this and because this battle I've been fighting silently for years now is surfacing, and the same God who at other times has miraculously enabled me to keep my mouth shut is now opening it. I honestly still don't feel like I'm ready for this, but perhaps I need that edge of incapability to force me to approach this humbly and not with arrogance.

Now let me explain a little more about the battle aspect. As KJ52 put it in a song, "See, the battle's for souls, and we['re] on the front lines." When it all boils down, the heart of the matter is not our music or our taste or our opinions; it's about a war that's been waging longer than any of us have been alive, and the victories in that battle take place when the God of the universe brings people from death into life. It's not about our music. But it influences our music, and music can play a role in this battle. Part of the reason this topic is so close to my heart is how influential music has been in my own story of God bringing me from death into life.

Music communicates. It does so differently than other modes of communication: it's not always as clear as writing or as straightforward as speaking. On some levels, music is its own language, conveying moods, ideas, themes, feelings, and heart-cries even when there are no words accompanying it. It serves a function, because there aren't always words, and sometimes our words need something to drive them home to the listener's heart. And music can do that.

God created music for a reason. And at the core of that reason is the same purpose He created everything else for: His glory. Because He needs stars and planets and people and all of creation testifying to his goodness to make Him feel secure in His position? No. Because He is that good. Because He is the only One worthy of such worship; nothing and no one else compares to Him, nor ever will.

If we're going to get into talking about things like love and God's glory and worship, we may need to pause here to bring up something that is at once impossible to fully explain or comprehend for our finite minds, but which is central and crucial to the why and the how of it all: the Trinity. You cannot fully explain or understand the love of God if you don't understand this truth about who He is: that He Himself sets the example of love not being self-seeking (1 Cor. 13). God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit: One God. I know, on the surface it makes about as much sense as your math teacher telling you 3=1. But then again, it's not the only time the Bible defies our math textbooks: He also said that husband and wife become "one flesh" (2=1), remember?

So the moral of the story is to throw away your algebra book, because it obviously doesn't line up with what the Bible teaches, right? (Friends who are math majors--please don't stone me for saying that!) Of course not. The Bible is full of math. The point here both is and isn't the math. It is, because the Trinity (and marriage, for that matter) stands out as a stark reminder to us that our God is much, much bigger and greater than we will ever be able to fully know. That's why He's God, and we're not. I for one don't have the capacity to keep the earth spinning around the sun, hold every molecule together, and orchestrate the events and interwoven stories and struggles of every person on this earth in this moment. I can't even fully grasp all that He is at work in, from sunsets to flowers to providing birds with food to eat.

Back to the Trinity: this is the epitome of love that seeks another's gain. The Father, Son, and Spirit have been in constant unity and fellowship since before time began. The Father's love for the Son and the Spirit, the Son's love for the Spirit and the Father, the Spirit's love for the Father and the Son...who can adequately describe it? See, God's not after His own glory for the sake of making a name for Himself; His Name already stood, unshakably and undeniably, long before He made anything to testify of it. Everything that exists finds its purpose in proclaiming His glory, because He is more glorious than even all creation's worship can proclaim. He is greater than all we see, all we have seen, all we ever will.

"For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." 

-Romans 11:36

This is at the heart of the battle that started when a created being who was not worthy of such worship, tried to claim God's glory as his own. Captivated by his own light, he rebelled against its Source: the One who had made him and given him everything he was, everything he had, everything he was now trying to elevate above his Maker. Lucifer fell, along with all who followed him. And the story could have ended there, before this world knew the sting of death and the pain of sin. But there was a greater glory that would not have been seen or known or even guessed at, had God stomped out Satan when he first rebelled. As Switchfoot put it, "The shadow proves the sunshine." The darkness is itself evidence of the light's existence, and that there is something standing between that light and the patch of ground that's shaded. But darkness always loses out to the light. 

There was a greater glory to be displayed in our God's faithfulness to people who also rebelled against Him, who ran from Him, who failed time and again (ahem, still do) to see and sing of His glory. He has proven Himself stronger than our darkness in His ability to call us "into His marvelous light," so that we may proclaim His greatness and His glory. 

The greater glory is known as the Gospel. The good news. The fulfilled promise, that our God did not leave us as orphans, that He did not leave us broken, empty, chasing the tails of our own glory. This is the fulfillment of what we were created for: to know and to sing of the glory of the One who made us. The greater-ness of our God, who overcomes everything that would stand between Him and accomplishing His purposes in this earth to display the greater glory.

And this is the battle. And music plays a part. In the posts that follow this one, I'm not going to claim what all music should or should not look like. But I'm also not going to pull any punches and say that "art for art's sake" is okay. The purpose of our music, just like the purpose of our lives, should be the praise of His glory. And there's not one set way to do that. But we'll get into all that at a later date. =) For now, I leave you with this song to ponder how much bigger our God is than we will ever fully understand. 

Speaking the Truth in Love

Oh, if you could but see the drafts of blog posts I have scattered in between ones I've actually published on here, on the topic I now find myself preparing to step into. One dates back to almost two years ago, when I had it on my heart, but after starting to write, found that the time was not yet right for me to speak up. Ever have those moments, where you have your two-cents'-worth ready to throw out there, but it seems like God sort of clears His throat and tells you, "Not yet"? And no matter how much you really want to say something, you know He's right and His timing is best, and that it wouldn't be walking in obedience to Him to go on with what you were about to say...Yeah, that's about where I've been on this topic for the past two or three years now. I haven't been silent for lack of an opinion, though there's definitely also been some wading through things and some research and a LOT of prayer going into it.

See, this is something that I am incredibly passionate about, and have been for just about as long as I can remember. And because it hits so very close to home for me, it's been a real struggle at times to keep my mouth shut and my fingers still. Most of the time, it doesn't really come up in everyday conversation that much, but even when the opportunity has presented itself, there have been so many moments where I've been chomping at the bit but God has (very wisely) held me back. And at the time, I don't think I ever understood why He was having me wait. But, as usual, hindsight reveals things with so much more clarity, and I now know it's because this crazy heart of mine had to be worked on (a. lot.) before I could say what I wanted to. Why? Because while my mouth was so ready to spout my opinion, my heart was not in the right place. And that's where this post comes in.

As I confessed in my last post, for quite a while I suffered from a judgmental-ness that kept me from acknowledging God's ability to move on other people's hearts. So He had to show me by moving on mine. He had to show me a glimpse of His heart, to help me see beyond the legalistic boxes and categories I wanted to place things--and people--into. See, it doesn't take much to speak the truth. Anyone can do it, really, whether they believe it or not (more on that coming in a later post, I'm sure). Trouble is, when you try to separate truth from love, you usually wind up with something that doesn't really look much like truth, because it's only a broken off piece of the Truth. Ever heard someone take a Bible verse out of context? The verse is still true, but snatched out of its context, it can be distorted to where it somehow seems to communicate something it's never meant. It's the same with the truth, with fact.

Take one portion of truth--let's say, for example, the truth that "God is love" (1 John 4)--and remove it from its context (namely, the description of what love is in 1 Corinthians 13 or in 1 and 2 John, or that it's a fruit of the Spirit [Galatians 5:22] or how essential it is in the Christian's life as seen in Ephesians, etc.)...and you've got room to start twisting it any way you like. Leave out the context and the defining that context offers to this statement, and you can start warping "God is love" to mean that God is a cozy or satisfying feeling or that, if He's love, He obviously somehow can't hate anything (*cough* sin). See what I mean? With its context (the rest of the Bible), the statement "God is love" is made that much clearer because it's demonstrated and shown and defined in and by the rest of the Truth. More than that, the rest of the Truth speaks to confront misconceptions and correct them. (God does hate sin.)

So now let's talk about love. Real love doesn't puff itself up, doesn't say, "Hey! Look at me!" Why? Because love is being focused on someone else, to the exclusion of yourself and your own desires and even needs. Love doesn't envy or boast--why? Because it's not wrapped up in itself, comparing self with others or wanting another to be lower so it can be higher. Love seeks after what's best for another. That doesn't mean love wants someone else to always have their way and get everything they want, because in the case of us humans, that would not be, or result in, what's best for us. Love wants what God wants for others. Why? Because God is Love.

(And if you're looking at your screen right now with a confused frown, questioning with, "Wait, I thought you just said love is being focused on what somebody else wants"--this is where part of the awesome mystery and marvel known as the Trinity comes into play. Take a gander at John 17 for a peek into that as Jesus talks to the Father. Jesus is always focused on glorifying the Father who is always focused on exalting His Son who is always focused on the Holy Spirit having His way, who is always drawing the attention to the Father and the Son. It's mind-blowing, but such a beautiful expression of what "God is love" means. But I'll stop with that tangent for now.)

So when Paul tells us in Ephesians chapter 4 that we as Christians are to speak the truth in love as we grow into Christ together--what does that mean? It means I speak the truth to you in patience and kindness, not arrogantly. It means I don't speak the truth to you in order to put you down or try to elevate myself. It means I don't speak the truth to you without caring about you (rudely). It means I don't speak the truth to you out of selfish ambition (to manipulate you into doing what I want or to promote myself). It means I don't get to insist on having my own way, and I don't get to use the truth to try to make that happen. It means I don't speak the truth to you because I'm grumpy or irritated or am harboring resentment towards you. It means that I don't get to rejoice in your being wrong and my being right, even if that's the case. It means I don't just tell you the truth, but I rejoice with you in that truth. It means that when I speak the truth to you, I am ready to bear everything alongside you rather than leave you to go it alone. It means I have to believe in that truth with you, and stand with you to endure whatever you may face. It means I don't get to tell you something and move on with my life. It means we're in this together. It means that if I'm going to speak the truth to you, I have to be committed to loving you, regardless of how you respond to what I say.

Discovering that has been the journey I've been on for quite a while now--the journey I had to travel before I could be ready to open my mouth about the things coming up in future posts here...Stay tuned. And while you're waiting, dig in deep and ask God to teach you how to love in truth and how to speak the truth in love. We all need to keep learning that one.

Until next time,
-Kala

There's a Battle Going on Here

I'm going to attempt to keep this short, because it's really too big a subject for me to dive into in one solo post, but perhaps this one will turn into an intro of sorts and I can return to the subject at a later date and go more in depth.

But there is a battle going on, and it reaches into many, many facets of our lives. Heaven and hell are vying for men's souls, and the war infiltrates every medium of communication, and even art, that we have. One area in particular that's been highlighted for me in recent years, is music.

Again, I am doing my best to keep this brief tonight, as this is something I've been thinking and praying about for quite a while now, so there's a lot I want to say, but now's not the time for all of it. I don't know how many people underestimate the power of music in our lives, but there shouldn't be any who can. At least here in America, where we have such a wide variety of music available right at our fingertips (or headphones), music is one thing that impacts us in ways many other means of communication can't. Words are powerful, don't miss that. But music has a way of aiding words' message, or even speaking on its own apart from words, that hits our hearts.

And I believe there is a battle going on in the arena of music. I'll be honest and say that although I have a very wide range of the types of musical style that I like--from instrumental to hip-hop to pop and folk and so forth--what I choose and prefer to listen to is generally within the ranges of "Christian" music. I put it in quotes because I've got a bit of an opinion on the labeling--because not everything that labels itself as "Christian" lines up at all with what Scripture or even Christ Himself says. I've grown up listening to largely contemporary "Christian" music, including more than a few songs that I wouldn't necessarily recommend to anyone now but that at the time were instrumental in getting my heart where it needed to be for God to work in it. The beauty I find in that is that we serve a God who is bigger than doctrinal flaws in lyrics and human flaws in general, and who is more than able to speak through the broken vessels that we all are.

When I first began to be aware that not all "Christian" music was entirely wholesome or entirely in-line with actual Christianity, the zealous hard-line prophet within me wanted to denounce any artist who had even one song or one line in a song I didn't agree with. I allowed myself to become focused upon the flaws and grieved over issues that, while not unimportant, never should have been my central focus. I became very judgmental about music. And it was in the midst of that judgmental season, where I was ready to completely give up on any artist whose doctrine seemed shallow or unfounded, that God nudged me and questioned my line of thinking.

These were my brothers and sisters in Christ that I was denouncing, acting as if one flaw or lack of understanding or a "correct" stance in my eyes, was enough to mean there was no hope that anything good could come from them from then on. All around me, I was seeing artists I had once respected falling short and failing to keep either their music or their lives in line with the teachings of Scripture. And I was giving up on them, left and right, clinging to the few who had yet to let me down.

But in the midst of my ranting and my disappointment, God posed a very pointed question to my soul: "So what are you doing about it?" As one of His followers, was I called to abandon my brothers and sisters taking on the spiritual battle (knowingly or not) in the arena of music? Or was I rather called to desire for them to be drawn closer to Him and made stronger by Him? Was I called to focus upon their flaws and say that because of this or that they couldn't possibly be used by Him?

I reeled back in shock as He reminded me of several songs and artists that had deeply impacted me only a few short years before, even if some of them had since lost my loyalty or respect. In the moments I needed to hear that particular message, it was there, and God used even flawed and imperfect lyrics and, yes, even trite music styles, to bring my heart to its knees and bring me to a place of surrender where I not only realized my need of Him, but His willingness to be the answer to that need.

Perhaps I'm rambling by now, but what is on my heart tonight to say is this: I have realized I am called to cheer for my brothers and sisters in Christ, to lift them in prayer whether I agree with everything they say or do or not. Can I endorse or applaud artists who hit the mark, whose lives and music are so evidently shining with the Light of the Gospel and the testimony of lives transformed by grace? Absolutely. But I no longer feel at liberty to put down those I don't admire as much or write them off the moment I hear something in their lyrics that grieves me. That's not what I'm called to. I'm called to forgive, and to hope and even expect the best for them. I'm called to pray rather than ignore, to look not to man but to God to accomplish His purposes in us and to draw all our hearts--musician and listener alike--closer to His.

More to come at some point regarding some more specific testimonies of how God's been driving this into me, but for now, hear me on this:

    There is a battle going on.
     We do not wrestle with flesh and blood.
    The victory is in the hand of the Lord.
    He's never lost a battle yet.
    There are greater things ahead on the music scene than any we've seen yet.
    Our God is on the move.

RAK KHAZAK. Be strong.

Let's Be Dreamers

For as long as I can remember, I've been a dreamer. I've been able to look at something as-is, and see what could come of it, what it could turn into or become part of. The first evidences of this trait didn't bless my mom much--all kinds of crafts made of things like gum wrappers, toilet-paper tubes, leaves, and anything else I found ways to create things with. As I've grown older, it hasn't gone away; I see what most people look on as useless junk, and can often envision at least a couple good uses for it. It's the reason for a drawer in my room that holds what I term "useful stuff," but it also comes from something that runs much deeper in my soul.

We serve a God who looks at ruined and broken souls that have been completely crippled to the point of being worthless--and sees the plans He's had for us since before the world began. He did not create us to be wrecks or failures, and He is not discouraged when He sees us in our most depraved state. Why? Because He is in the business of bringing beauty out of ashes, of redeeming what seems long-gone and utterly lost, of creating again that which He has purposed for us all along. I know that because I've seen Him do it, in me and in others.

So forgive me if I get a little irritated when people try to tell me or anybody else that any of us possess any kind of beauty or power on our own, because when I came face-to-face with my Savior I also came face-to-face with the reality that He saw me at my ugliest and my weakest and my most hopeless, and He had still been pursuing me all along. He wasn't blind to my shortcomings and my sin; He knew (and knows) me better than I'll ever know or understand myself. But neither was He intimidated by my darkness.

You see, no matter how much it ever seems like the odds are stacked against redemption or hope, there has never been a moment where Light has lost to Darkness. Ever noticed that? Flip the light switch on, and you don't have to wait for the darkness in the room to retreat; the fight is over in an instant, because light trumps darkness. Even where there are shadows, they're usually not pitch dark, because the light reflects and refracts off of other things around and lightens even the shade (which is how you can still get a sunburn sitting in the shade on a sunny day). If you ask me, there is great significance to the fact that God compares Himself to light in the Bible. He is greater than every force of evil this world will ever know.

That being said, it would be easy for Him to snap His fingers and obliterate all evil in an instant, so why doesn't He? Because He has a much bigger and more beautiful design in mind, and because He sees potential where we don't.

I love rooting for the underdog. There is perhaps nothing more inspiring and victorious than seeing the most unlikely odds flipped on their head. And our God is in the business of doing just that sort of things. Let the odds be stacked against His plans; let darkness seem to gain the upper hand in the lives of man; let a turnaround look about as impossible as water springing up in the desert. We and even all creation look at that dry, cracked, crumbling ground and say it's a wasteland; nothing can grow there; there's no hope for life to happen here.

Enter the God who says He'll make rivers break forth in a dry and barren land (Isaiah 35) and flowers blossom in the desert wasteland. It's what He does: He brings life where before was only death. He takes lives ravaged and ruined by sin and breathes life into them, creating again a clean heart inside and reversing death's hold. He's not intimidated by the insurmountable odds we see; His vantage point is higher, and He sees the real odds: the odds that say darkness will never win out against Light when they come up against one another. He is stronger.

So in light of who He is and what He is capable of, how can we look at this world and say it's hopeless? Do you know your God? Do you know that He is aiming at redemption? Do you know that He's chosen you and me to be part of that process? If you ask me, it's amazing.

So let's not be afraid to dream. Let's not be intimidated by the darkness; let's instead lift our eyes to the Author of Light and ask Him to give us His vision for what is to come out of this desert land. And let's not shield our eyes or avert our gaze from the places--the hearts--overshadowed by darkness. Let's not pretend they're not there or that it's not our problem. If you are a child of the King, you are called to shine His light. Reflect it into that darkness. Let's not cower in fear of the darkness, giving into the apparent odds that it will swallow us too. If you have been rescued and redeemed, His Light lives in you. He is with you. And He will not be beaten. So don't fear--follow Him into the darkest dens of Hell on this earth and let His light shine until every shadow disappears. You may feel like one lonely and fleeting matchstick. Well, fire tends to spread. So burn bright.

Let's not be afraid to hope. Don't look at the situations and relationships you face and allow despair to overtake you. Look to the One who saw you at your worst and never turned away. Look to the One who never gave up on this mess, never saw my failure as proof He couldn't use me--the One who knew all along that He is more than enough for me and more than capable of somehow taking my brokenness and inability and using it for His glory, using it to draw me to Himself and show me how much I need to rely on Him and not myself.

I get sick of people cheering others on with things like, "Believe in yourself!" and "You can do it!" because the longer I live the more inescapably convinced I become of the fact that I am absolutely incapable of doing anything good or right on my own. I can't tell you how many times I've been talking to God and paused a moment to look at my own track record--a long line of mess-ups and failures and even well-intentioned blunders--and then at His track record--unending faithfulness and grace that is greater than all my sin, that is actually capable of taking all my failures and using them for good in a way only He can. He has taught me through every season, and drawn me closer to Him even in the midst of the worst storms.

I am a firm believer in the fact that I can't do anything good on my own. But I'm a firmer believer that God can do greater things in and through you and me than we can even imagine. I'm a firmer believer in His ability to redeem and restore and bring life from death, water and flowers from the desert wasteland. His Light shines into the darkness, and will not be overcome.

So let's not be afraid to believe Him, to believe in His ability to do what we cannot--that He can redeem what is lost, He can remake what is broken, He can bring life out of death.

"For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that overcomes the world--our faith." -1 John 5:4

Let your faith look to Him. Rak khazak!!

Plans

Lately, I've been in or around quite a few conversations in which someone (sometimes myself) has said, "I don't know what it's gonna look like." And, believe it or not, those words have been deeply encouraging to me.

You see, I have grown up amid a culture that preached to me continually the importance of having a plan. When I was in high school, I was told I needed to set goals for myself, both short-term and long-term. I needed to have clear aims to focus on, self-imposed "deadlines," so-to-speak. Because, if you don't have a plan and don't know where you're going, you're obviously not going to get anywhere or do anything worthwhile with your life...right?

I struggled with this because at that time I honestly didn't know what my future was going to look like. There were a lot of things I could see myself doing as a job, but when it came to choosing what to pursue, I felt completely at a loss. Adults in my life told me it was okay to not have a clear picture just yet, as I still had several more years to figure it out before going to college and picking a major, etc.

But then something incredible happened. Just as I was starting to formulate my short-term goals for what would happen once I graduated college, God intervened. He started to nudge me down a different path than anything I had ever considered. As I walked a little hesitantly down this new path that started with putting college off for a year to attend Ellerslie, I tasted for the first time the sheer bliss of having only a general sense of what God was about to do in my life. I knew He had been clear that this was where and how I was supposed to spend the next few months (actually, at the time I thought I would be there for a full year), but as for what it would look like, I had no clue nor any way to predict it. Ellerslie was just starting up the summer I went there; there was no predicting just what was going to happen with students from all over coming to this tiny town in Colorado with the goal of pursuing Christ together.

Since that summer, it seems every major step I've taken--and even the smaller steps, too--have followed a very similar pattern of knowing where God was leading me but not having any kind of a clear or easily-articulated picture of what it was going to look like. And over and over again, I've seen God work in amazing ways, doing more than I ever could have imagined. His thoughts aren't like ours; He sees the big picture, as well as every tiny and minute detail that goes into it. Consequently, His ways are different than ours--they're higher; they're better (Isaiah 55:8). And they tend to look crazy or even a little more than crazy in the eyes of the world, because they don't follow the same line of thinking as our limited point of view. His plans often cause us to take risks--risks that don't make sense, even to us at times. But they always cause us to rely on Him more and in ways that we wouldn't otherwise.

And that is why I get excited when I hear someone talking about starting something new or doing things differently, and those words, "I don't know what it's going to look like exactly," come out of that person's mouth: because in those words I recognize a sense of willingness to let God take the lead and orchestrate the steps in carrying out whatever dream or desire or "goal" the person may be talking about. It's in those times where where we don't know exactly what will happen next or what something is about to look like--what an idea will look like when it's actually being lived out--that our faith grows and our hearts begin to taste the deep joy of allowing God to have all there is of us.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps." -Proverbs 16:9

Dare I Ask...Says Who?

There is a mentality I've noticed quite a bit of, especially in more recent years (although I can remember hearing it when I was younger too), which says there is a limit to how far we should go in being inconvenienced, or even used, by others--that at some point we should just cut ties and abandon certain people. It makes sense, especially in trying to guard your own sanity or preserve a heart that has been continually hurt, and/or trying to get a point across to the other person that their behavior is not acceptable. I mean, how else is the other person going to see they're wrong? And how else can you keep your own mental and emotional health intact, when you have "those people" in your life that just wear you down? So we treat people the way they deserve to be treated, and it seems right and justified and clear-cut.

But, dare I ask...Who says this is is good and acceptable? As Christians (and I am speaking to Christians), we are called to live and love like Jesus did--and He laid down His life for His bride, for the people that are His. He didn't fight for His rights or try to protect his own dignity; He was reviled, ridiculed, mocked, spat upon, criticized, questioned, and let down repeatedly. But how did He respond? And how does He expect us to respond?

"You have heard that it was said, 'An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.' But I [Jesus] say to you, Do not resist the one who is evil. But if anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if anyone would sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. And if anyone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. You have heard that it was said, 'You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For He makes His sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You therefore must be perfect, as your Heavenly Father is perfect." -Jesus (Matthew 5:38-42)

 Christian, I ask you--when has God withheld His grace from you? When has He left you to your own means, even when you deserved it? Because we all deserved it. As Lecrae put it in one of his songs, "If we fought for our rights, we'd be in Hell tonight." We do not deserve for the God of the Universe to look at us and to treat us the way He does--"For when we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die--but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by His blood, much more shall we be saved from the wrath of God" (Romans 5:6-9).

A few months back, I was praying for a friend of mine who is an atheist, and it led to a suddenly deeper understanding of our God. My friend doesn't believe in God--isn't even willing to think He exists, or that if He does, He could possibly be at all good--and yet, this God who is ignored and shunned constantly, continues to enable my friend to inhale and exhale, to live and to breathe even when that breath is sometimes used to say He doesn't exist. God is still sustaining this person in the same way He sustains you and me. The sun still rises and the rain still falls on all of us--good, bad, rich, poor, prideful, saved, rebellious, shunned, prejudiced, racist, hateful, malicious, back-stabbing, and contrite.

And if He continues to give breath to an atheist who denies Him, who are we to withhold the love and grace and the faith in the One who saved us, from those who hurt and annoy us? In various circumstances we take Jesus' instruction in Matthew 5 and essentially tell Him, "Yeah, Jesus, but You don't understand. If I were to treat this person with love and forgiveness and go the extra mile, it won't change his mind. He'll just think he can keep taking advantage of me. I just need to stand up for myself." The problem is, when we do that, we rob ourselves of trusting Him. "Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay, says the Lord...Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good" (Romans 12:19, 21).

We are not called to be our own defense.

Am I saying it's never alright to set up barriers? Not at all. There are times when loving someone means not giving them opportunity to sin. You don't give a drug addict money. You can meet their needs in other ways by giving them food or helping out with other things, but you don't enable them to keep buying drugs. The danger is, though, when we start using our own reasoning to determine what boundaries should be set where. Sometimes God calls us to give of ourselves even when we feel like we have nothing left--no more patience, no energy, no time. And sometimes really loving someone means doing what is best for them even when it doesn't look like love to their eyes.

The bottom line is this: We are called to love others as God loves us. We're called to portray Christ to this world around us by being different--by looking like Him. And it is when we lay down our rights and allow God to work in us and through us to give us His love for those around us, that the world is changed. They will not see Him in us if we do not yield ourselves to His service. They will not see His grace if they do not see us living it out in our daily life and interactions with them. When you are mocked, scorned, insulted, trampled upon, or hurt, don't retaliate in kind; overcome evil with good. Allow God to give you His heart for your reviler, for the same God looked upon each of us when we were still His enemies, and chose to come among us and give His life to change that.

"Everyone who believes that Jesus is the Christ has been born of God, and everyone who loves the Father loves whoever has been born of Him. By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and obey His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?" (1 John 5:1-5)

"I am the true vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit He takes away, and every branch that does bear fruit He prunes, that it may bear more fruit. Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you. Abide in Me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in Me. I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing. If anyone does not abide in Me he is thrown into the fire, and burned. If you abide in Me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, an it will be done for you. By this My Father is glorified, that you bear much fruit and so prove to be My disciples. As the Father has loved Me, so have I loved you. Abide in My love. If you keep My commandments, you will abide in My love, just as I have kept My Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may abide in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask in the Father in My Name, He may give it to you. These things I command you, so that you will love one another. If the world hates you, know that it hated Me before it hated you. If you were of the world, the world would love you as its own; but because you are not of the world, but I chose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you. Remember the words that I said to you: 'A servant is not greater than his master.' If they persecuted Me, they will also persecute you. If they kept My word, they will also keep yours. But all these things they will do to you on account of My Name, because they do not know Him who sent Me. If I had not come and spoken to them, they would not have been guilty of sin, but now they have no excuse for their sin. Whoever hates Me hates My Father also. If I had not done among them the works that no one else did, they would not be guilty of sin, but now they have seen and hated both Me and My Father. But the word that is written in their Law must be fulfilled: 'They hated me without a cause.' But when the Helper comes, whom I will send to you from the Father, the Spirit of truth, who proceeds from the Father, He will bear witness about Me. And you also will bear witness, because you have been with Me from the beginning." -Jesus (John 15)

God Is Good! And I Am Crazy.

Well, it's happening again: My plans for my life are on hold, and I'm venturing into a season of having no clue what's about to happen, but knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that it's going to be awesome beyond anything I can imagine. I know this feeling. And, call me crazy if you like (don't worry, I'm not offended in the slightest!)--but I actually like this feeling. It's stepping out into the unknown, with no clear-cut plan or perfect outline to be able to articulate to the concerned adults in my life who will ask me what's next. It's when following Christ makes me feel intensely vulnerable in some ways, for there is no easy or put-together answer to give to people to reassure them, because this is where the rubber meets the road. This is where the decisions and actions of my life match up with my beliefs, with my faith that my God knows better than I do, and that He has plans that go beyond my own--that He knows best.

Between three and four years ago, I gave up my plans to go straight to college after high school because I felt God was leading me to attend Ellerslie for what I thought would be a year. Partway through my time there, He changed my plans again and told me I was to return home sooner than I expected--after only the Summer and Fall semesters at Ellerslie, instead of continuing into the Spring. About six months later, He took me to a Christian college in Mississippi, which was (again) not what I had exactly planned or expected beforehand. (During high school, I'd had my eyes set on a different Christian college, and then during my year out of school had also considered going to a state school). While there, in the middle of my second of what I assumed would be four years at MC, He began to speak once again about a change of my plans, and brought me back to my hometown, Memphis, two years sooner than I was expecting. Moral of the story: I should really stop assuming things! Every time I've thought I've known what the next few steps would look like, He's shaken things up--from going to Ellerslie to becoming a Resident Assistant this past year at college. And let's face it--His plans have always far surpassed and outshone my own. Even though every change has brought with it a degree of difficulty, the joy I've found in being in the center of His will and following His leading has been far beyond anything my old dreams could have brought me.

So what's this new, crazy step? Well, you see, when God began pointing me towards Memphis this past school year, I assumed (see, there it is again!) that I would pick up college "on-schedule" here at a state university less than half an hour from my parents' house. In case you haven't caught onto the theme of these past few years of my life I just summarized...let me just tell you, He's doing it again! God is taking my plans and my assumptions, and shoving them aside to make room for His plans. I'm not going back to college this Fall. Not that I'm not ever going back, but for now God's telling me to take this semester and spend it in a different way. And just as three years ago when I was headed to Ellerslie, I couldn't give any definite "Here's what's going to happen and what it'll look like"--once again I find myself left without a simple, straightforward answer to people's questions, other than this:

He has spoken to me in ways I cannot deny, and I am following even though I can't see the full path or exactly where it will lead. He's got a plan, and I trust Him. His leading is sure, and He has never once failed me or led me into circumstances He can't handle. So, here I go!

Will I look crazy to most? Probably. Will this come across as me being lazy or irresponsible in getting that all-important education this world tells me I will need in order to "succeed" in this life? Most likely. Will I seem reckless and misled, even to many Christians? It's possible.

But you know what? I'm still smiling. And it's not quite the insecure, nervous smile the eighteen-year-old me wore when I was fixing to leave for Ellerslie. It's the confident-in-my-God, helpless-to-avoid smile of readiness and expectancy that is hard to repress as it flows from the intense joy of abandoning my plans, my way, my ability to see or know what comes next. Because He is faithful, and I trust Him.

He is God.