Entering the Battle (Notes on Music: Part 1)

I mean that title. But before I get into it, let me tell you what I don't mean by it. I don't mean I'm looking for trouble or I'm planning to be antagonistic about all this. I don't mean I'm wanting to start some kind of debate. By nature, I am a shy, sheepish person who doesn't particularly like stirring up hornets' nests. But beneath the surface there is a fire, a burning passion that somehow can't sit still and watch all the time, and leave things the way they are. I'm aware that some of the things I have to say in upcoming posts are not going to be popular, and they might make you feel uncomfortable, or offended, or uncertain. I'm not asking you to agree with every word I say or every facet of opinion I hold regarding art or music or the music industry or even our culture. You don't have to agree with me. In fact, you don't even have to read it.

But I have to write it. I have to write it because it has been welling up inside me for so long and the dam's about to break if I try to put it off longer. I have to write it because I can't keep silent any longer, because there is a battle going on over this and because this battle I've been fighting silently for years now is surfacing, and the same God who at other times has miraculously enabled me to keep my mouth shut is now opening it. I honestly still don't feel like I'm ready for this, but perhaps I need that edge of incapability to force me to approach this humbly and not with arrogance.

Now let me explain a little more about the battle aspect. As KJ52 put it in a song, "See, the battle's for souls, and we['re] on the front lines." When it all boils down, the heart of the matter is not our music or our taste or our opinions; it's about a war that's been waging longer than any of us have been alive, and the victories in that battle take place when the God of the universe brings people from death into life. It's not about our music. But it influences our music, and music can play a role in this battle. Part of the reason this topic is so close to my heart is how influential music has been in my own story of God bringing me from death into life.

Music communicates. It does so differently than other modes of communication: it's not always as clear as writing or as straightforward as speaking. On some levels, music is its own language, conveying moods, ideas, themes, feelings, and heart-cries even when there are no words accompanying it. It serves a function, because there aren't always words, and sometimes our words need something to drive them home to the listener's heart. And music can do that.

God created music for a reason. And at the core of that reason is the same purpose He created everything else for: His glory. Because He needs stars and planets and people and all of creation testifying to his goodness to make Him feel secure in His position? No. Because He is that good. Because He is the only One worthy of such worship; nothing and no one else compares to Him, nor ever will.

If we're going to get into talking about things like love and God's glory and worship, we may need to pause here to bring up something that is at once impossible to fully explain or comprehend for our finite minds, but which is central and crucial to the why and the how of it all: the Trinity. You cannot fully explain or understand the love of God if you don't understand this truth about who He is: that He Himself sets the example of love not being self-seeking (1 Cor. 13). God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit: One God. I know, on the surface it makes about as much sense as your math teacher telling you 3=1. But then again, it's not the only time the Bible defies our math textbooks: He also said that husband and wife become "one flesh" (2=1), remember?

So the moral of the story is to throw away your algebra book, because it obviously doesn't line up with what the Bible teaches, right? (Friends who are math majors--please don't stone me for saying that!) Of course not. The Bible is full of math. The point here both is and isn't the math. It is, because the Trinity (and marriage, for that matter) stands out as a stark reminder to us that our God is much, much bigger and greater than we will ever be able to fully know. That's why He's God, and we're not. I for one don't have the capacity to keep the earth spinning around the sun, hold every molecule together, and orchestrate the events and interwoven stories and struggles of every person on this earth in this moment. I can't even fully grasp all that He is at work in, from sunsets to flowers to providing birds with food to eat.

Back to the Trinity: this is the epitome of love that seeks another's gain. The Father, Son, and Spirit have been in constant unity and fellowship since before time began. The Father's love for the Son and the Spirit, the Son's love for the Spirit and the Father, the Spirit's love for the Father and the Son...who can adequately describe it? See, God's not after His own glory for the sake of making a name for Himself; His Name already stood, unshakably and undeniably, long before He made anything to testify of it. Everything that exists finds its purpose in proclaiming His glory, because He is more glorious than even all creation's worship can proclaim. He is greater than all we see, all we have seen, all we ever will.

"For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be glory forever. Amen." 

-Romans 11:36

This is at the heart of the battle that started when a created being who was not worthy of such worship, tried to claim God's glory as his own. Captivated by his own light, he rebelled against its Source: the One who had made him and given him everything he was, everything he had, everything he was now trying to elevate above his Maker. Lucifer fell, along with all who followed him. And the story could have ended there, before this world knew the sting of death and the pain of sin. But there was a greater glory that would not have been seen or known or even guessed at, had God stomped out Satan when he first rebelled. As Switchfoot put it, "The shadow proves the sunshine." The darkness is itself evidence of the light's existence, and that there is something standing between that light and the patch of ground that's shaded. But darkness always loses out to the light. 

There was a greater glory to be displayed in our God's faithfulness to people who also rebelled against Him, who ran from Him, who failed time and again (ahem, still do) to see and sing of His glory. He has proven Himself stronger than our darkness in His ability to call us "into His marvelous light," so that we may proclaim His greatness and His glory. 

The greater glory is known as the Gospel. The good news. The fulfilled promise, that our God did not leave us as orphans, that He did not leave us broken, empty, chasing the tails of our own glory. This is the fulfillment of what we were created for: to know and to sing of the glory of the One who made us. The greater-ness of our God, who overcomes everything that would stand between Him and accomplishing His purposes in this earth to display the greater glory.

And this is the battle. And music plays a part. In the posts that follow this one, I'm not going to claim what all music should or should not look like. But I'm also not going to pull any punches and say that "art for art's sake" is okay. The purpose of our music, just like the purpose of our lives, should be the praise of His glory. And there's not one set way to do that. But we'll get into all that at a later date. =) For now, I leave you with this song to ponder how much bigger our God is than we will ever fully understand. 

There's a Battle Going on Here

I'm going to attempt to keep this short, because it's really too big a subject for me to dive into in one solo post, but perhaps this one will turn into an intro of sorts and I can return to the subject at a later date and go more in depth.

But there is a battle going on, and it reaches into many, many facets of our lives. Heaven and hell are vying for men's souls, and the war infiltrates every medium of communication, and even art, that we have. One area in particular that's been highlighted for me in recent years, is music.

Again, I am doing my best to keep this brief tonight, as this is something I've been thinking and praying about for quite a while now, so there's a lot I want to say, but now's not the time for all of it. I don't know how many people underestimate the power of music in our lives, but there shouldn't be any who can. At least here in America, where we have such a wide variety of music available right at our fingertips (or headphones), music is one thing that impacts us in ways many other means of communication can't. Words are powerful, don't miss that. But music has a way of aiding words' message, or even speaking on its own apart from words, that hits our hearts.

And I believe there is a battle going on in the arena of music. I'll be honest and say that although I have a very wide range of the types of musical style that I like--from instrumental to hip-hop to pop and folk and so forth--what I choose and prefer to listen to is generally within the ranges of "Christian" music. I put it in quotes because I've got a bit of an opinion on the labeling--because not everything that labels itself as "Christian" lines up at all with what Scripture or even Christ Himself says. I've grown up listening to largely contemporary "Christian" music, including more than a few songs that I wouldn't necessarily recommend to anyone now but that at the time were instrumental in getting my heart where it needed to be for God to work in it. The beauty I find in that is that we serve a God who is bigger than doctrinal flaws in lyrics and human flaws in general, and who is more than able to speak through the broken vessels that we all are.

When I first began to be aware that not all "Christian" music was entirely wholesome or entirely in-line with actual Christianity, the zealous hard-line prophet within me wanted to denounce any artist who had even one song or one line in a song I didn't agree with. I allowed myself to become focused upon the flaws and grieved over issues that, while not unimportant, never should have been my central focus. I became very judgmental about music. And it was in the midst of that judgmental season, where I was ready to completely give up on any artist whose doctrine seemed shallow or unfounded, that God nudged me and questioned my line of thinking.

These were my brothers and sisters in Christ that I was denouncing, acting as if one flaw or lack of understanding or a "correct" stance in my eyes, was enough to mean there was no hope that anything good could come from them from then on. All around me, I was seeing artists I had once respected falling short and failing to keep either their music or their lives in line with the teachings of Scripture. And I was giving up on them, left and right, clinging to the few who had yet to let me down.

But in the midst of my ranting and my disappointment, God posed a very pointed question to my soul: "So what are you doing about it?" As one of His followers, was I called to abandon my brothers and sisters taking on the spiritual battle (knowingly or not) in the arena of music? Or was I rather called to desire for them to be drawn closer to Him and made stronger by Him? Was I called to focus upon their flaws and say that because of this or that they couldn't possibly be used by Him?

I reeled back in shock as He reminded me of several songs and artists that had deeply impacted me only a few short years before, even if some of them had since lost my loyalty or respect. In the moments I needed to hear that particular message, it was there, and God used even flawed and imperfect lyrics and, yes, even trite music styles, to bring my heart to its knees and bring me to a place of surrender where I not only realized my need of Him, but His willingness to be the answer to that need.

Perhaps I'm rambling by now, but what is on my heart tonight to say is this: I have realized I am called to cheer for my brothers and sisters in Christ, to lift them in prayer whether I agree with everything they say or do or not. Can I endorse or applaud artists who hit the mark, whose lives and music are so evidently shining with the Light of the Gospel and the testimony of lives transformed by grace? Absolutely. But I no longer feel at liberty to put down those I don't admire as much or write them off the moment I hear something in their lyrics that grieves me. That's not what I'm called to. I'm called to forgive, and to hope and even expect the best for them. I'm called to pray rather than ignore, to look not to man but to God to accomplish His purposes in us and to draw all our hearts--musician and listener alike--closer to His.

More to come at some point regarding some more specific testimonies of how God's been driving this into me, but for now, hear me on this:

    There is a battle going on.
     We do not wrestle with flesh and blood.
    The victory is in the hand of the Lord.
    He's never lost a battle yet.
    There are greater things ahead on the music scene than any we've seen yet.
    Our God is on the move.

RAK KHAZAK. Be strong.

Take Your Kid to Work Day

There is a scene in The Lion King where Mufasa takes his son, Simba, up to the top of Pride Rock at dawn and tells him, "Everything the light touches is our kingdom." 

After Simba's awed response, the young lion cub looks around and asks, "What about that shadowy place?"

"That is beyond our borders," Mufasa replies. "You must never go there, Simba."

Well, unlike Mufasa, our Father, when He shows us what all is under His dominion, does not order us to stay out of "that shadowy place" where the Light doesn't seem to be reaching. Instead, He says, "That's Mine too; they just don't know it yet." And rather than ordering us to stay put while He goes and takes care of things, our Father takes us with Him to work. He shows us the ropes. He teaches us how to defeat the enemy by relying on Him, and by training us to be like Him, enables us to reach others and win souls right alongside Him. 

I used to pray as if God preferred to do everything Himself, like a dad who would rather fix the car the right way and get it done more quickly than he would if he were showing his son what was wrong and what to do. But then God started showing me the grandeur of His plan. He is perfectly able to quickly, effectively, and effortlessly make all things as they ought to be. He could have destroyed Lucifer and the angels the moment they rebelled, could have extinguished Adam and Eve the very moment they ate of the fruit. He could have simply eliminated the sin that was trying to wreak havoc on His perfect plan for creation. But He didn't. Why?

Because He had a greater plan. He let Lucifer rebel, let him try to destroy and usurp what was rightfully His. God has been thwarting Satan's plans every day since. It started with a promise--the promise of a Messiah who would come and set His people free. And for centuries upon centuries, Satan accused God of having a double-standard. How come he was punished and cast away from God's presence, while the humans weren't? How could He forgive them? 

And then Jesus came on the scene and paid the price of sin, fixing the problem by offering Himself as the sacrifice for God's wrath, taking the just penalty of sin on our behalf. He made a way for us to be justified in the eyes of a holy God. Not only that, He adopted us as His own children. Us, who didn't even deserve to be slaves or servants, because what we really deserved was death. But He made us heirs of His Kingdom. 

But you see, our Father will never die--not in a stampede of antelope, nor by any other means. He is eternal. So we do not inherit the Kingdom by waiting until the present King dies. No, in His infinite wisdom and glory, God has made a way for something far better. We don't have to sit around and watch Him do His work. Instead, we get to be part of it! 

God uses people. It seems like a bad idea to us sometimes--why use the imperfect to represent the Perfect?--but God knows exactly what He's doing. Incredibly, He is able to better prove to this world who He is and what He is about through imperfect vessels known as human beings, because His strength is proven in our weakness, and His goodness in the midst of even our failure. And He doesn't leave us to an endless cycle of failure and forgiveness, either. He teaches and leads and builds us in His ways, after His own image, enabling us to be more like Him the more we seek His face and bear His heart for those around us. 

Do we always get it right? No. But just like a father teaching his child how to do something, when we mess up, He makes good come of it. Sometimes He uses our failures simply as a learning experience, but He also turns those situations around and uses them for good. Through it all, He leads us to follow in His footsteps. 

When People I Respect Break My Heart...

My confidence is not in people; it’s in Christ. Were it not for that, by now I probably would have been much more deeply shaken when people who are leaders in my generation give me reason to lose a measure of respect for them. However, it still grieves me deeply to see that kind of thing happen, especially with leaders who are Christians.

Lies can be powerful, but the Truth is stronger. Which is part of why I am not personally shaken in my beliefs or my stance when I see someone else believing or teaching a lie. But at the same time, witnessing that kind of thing always hits me squarely in the heart, because it grieves me to see anyone deceived themselves and/or deceiving others without knowing it.

I am currently in the middle of the third book in Ted Dekker’s Circle Trilogy, which have been my first introduction to his writings. These books are amazing and have deeply encouraged me in my own writing because of how poignantly and powerfully they display the Gospel through fiction and fantasy. Many times while reading these books, even though I haven’t finished yet, I have paused in awe as I witnessed within them something I have begun to glimpse in recent years about writing and its purpose. The ultimate purpose of writing is to communicate the truth, and fiction and fantasy provide an incredibly unique and—I believe—needed (at least to an extent) opportunity to talk about things that are real in terms of things that aren’t. Good writing will always, invariably, express at least some aspect of reality—be it human nature, a particular society or culture, whatever. But the most important thing any of it can point to is the reality of the things of God—who He is, what He has done, how He interacts with people, how He is at work in our world.

The Circle Trilogy contains a powerful and creative view of creation, the Fall, Christ’s sacrifice, and the new life we now have access to. Which is why I love them and part of why, when I found out Ted Dekker was coming out with a new sort of mini-series, I trusted him as a storyteller and expected to see the Gospel again within a different fictional premise.

He came so close.

But rather than the glory of the Good News, in the latter part of Eyes Wide Open, I instead found a painfully watered-down message posing in its place. The moment I started to realize where Dekker was going with the story, I started in shock and felt my heart tighten in a mixture of anguish and anger from the blow.

If it was only about me, I wouldn’t care this much. I learned a long time ago to “eat the meat and spit out the bones” when it comes to reading. But it’s not about me. That anguish and anger I felt? It wasn’t directed at Ted Dekker. It was directed at the subtle lies the enemy has somehow woven into our culture and which I suddenly realized Dekker had fallen prey to in some form.

Let me break away from this for a moment to give some explanation surrounding things here. In Eyes Wide Open, one of the main things Ted Dekker is confronting is self-image, which I agree with him is something that a lot of Christians struggle with. One of his main characters is a girl who is convinced she is ugly and who struggles with her external sense of image. I don’t want to act like all girls wrestle with this same issue of feeling the need to be pretty or beautiful, but I’ll admit that I, too, used to secretly lament that I felt I was fairly plain-looking and not attractive.

I haven’t believed that in years. 

What happened? Well first, I met the One who looks not on the outward appearance, but at the heart. Then, I realized just how vile and disgusting my heart was. Over the years, my sin had ravaged the thing and turned it into an icky, slimy, wretched, self-centered mess. But the same One who saw that even more clearly than I did, had already done something about it. He stepped into human flesh and lived a perfect life and died the death that alone could atone for God’s own, just wrath over the wickedness that otherwise would have forever separated me from His holiness. “He fought death, beat it, gave His life to the public,” as Flame says in the song “Joyful Noise.” He conquered sin and death and offered me new life in Him—His life.

Now my life is His, not mine. I died to my old self, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. I get to share my life with the One who gave it to me in the first place! And right around that same time when I started to truly understand who He is and who I am in Him, my feelings of insecurity slid to the back burner and then gradually started to disappear. I stopped caring about what others thought of me, because I was beginning to care more what God thought of me. And, not because of my own merit or anything I had to offer Him, He loved me. He loves me because of who He is, not who I am. He is love. And Love reached down to fight for the soul of a feeble, rebellious, selfish young girl so that He could draw her towards Himself, the only One who could right what was wrong within that soul. He performed His surgery, removing my heart of stone and transplanting His living, beating heart within my chest. It was all Him.

And where I defined my confidence and identity as coming from started to change from myself to Christ, I found I no longer had to worry about what I looked like—my physical appearance or people’s perception of me as a person—because it just didn’t matter anymore. All I really started to care about was what God thought, and because of Christ I am justified in His sight. God looks at me, and sees Jesus’ sacrifice that has washed me clean and given me access to enter before Him and to commune with Him. And at the same time, amazingly, He is aware of my sin and continues His work of sanctifying me—leading me in repentance and helping me to love and trust Him more with every step.

Returning to the book: in Eyes Wide Open, Ted Dekker presents a message that is based on a somewhat-subtle distortion of the Gospel. And I don’t think he did that on purpose in any way. The idea is rather prevalent in our “Christian” culture today, firstly, that salvation is all about us. Don’t get me wrong; it is and it isn’t. Christ did not die merely to let us feel better about things or to give us a better life, just like He didn’t die just to get us into Heaven after we die. Jesus said He came that we might have life, and have it abundantly. He also said He is the Life, and that the only way to the Father is through Him (John 14:6).

See, something crazy happens at salvation. You die to yourself so that you may truly live—experiencing Life as it was meant to be, united with God. And, according to Scripture, you find your life and your identity in the person of Jesus Christ. (I highly recommend reading Romans—Paul explains all this much better than I can!) God doesn’t step into your life to empower you to live like you want; He steps into your life to empower to live like He wants—what He created you for, which also turns out to always be what is best for us in the first place. Crazy, huh?

But see, there’s this lie that has crept into some people’s understanding of all that. It’s loosely based on parts of Scripture but not the whole—saying that because God created everything good in the beginning, we’re still basically good at the core; the good’s just been somehow clouded over by sin. Again, I recommend Romans—specifically chapter 3—for anyone wondering what the truth on the matter is. (Paul spends about half the chapter explaining why nobody is good or righteous in God’s sight apart from Christ.) This idea so many people have swallowed, though, says that our “real,” “true” self is buried deep down there somewhere, and that it’s what God sees in us and that He wants us to discover. It says that when the Bible talks about “dying to self” it’s talking about rejecting the “fake” you, the sinful one.

But it’s not. It’s dying to you, your desires, your life, your plans. That’s a hard pill to swallow, which is probably why the more palatable idea offered by the above ideology has become so popular. But when you truly die to yourself, surrendering all that you are and offering it up as a sacrifice to God (by the way, sacrifices die), that’s when you’re ready for real Life to set you free. As often as we focus on ourselves, God did not create us to live an existence that revolves around our own little lives. He made us to get caught up in something much bigger—His existence, His story, His plans. To know Him. We have to die to our own will, so that we can be set free to live in accordance with His will—which is life and peace and hope and joy…eternal Life (see John 17:3).

A side-effect of the idea that our “true” selves are good at the core is something that is voiced by one of Dekker’s characters in Chapter 20 of Eyes Wide Open: “You cannot love anything or anyone more than you love yourself and you can’t truly love yourself unless you see yourself whole. If you secretly disapprove of any part of yourself, you will secretly hate part of the one who made you.”

Love yourself…nowhere is that commanded in the entire Bible. If that was such an important component of what it means to be a Christian or to be set free to live as God wants us to, don’t you think He would have mentioned it at least once? Nope, again and again throughout Scripture love is characterized by a willingness to offer up itself, to give of itself for the sake of another. In fact, Jesus actually said that your love for your self and your own life should look like more like hatred in comparison with loving God, or else you are not His disciple. 

I know that some people have acted like certain passages imply that we're supposed to love ourselves, and if you believe that's the case, I beg you to go back and read the context of those verses. See if that's really what God is saying there. Also, keep in mind that human reasoning about what a verse says or means will always, only, invariably be that—human reasoning.

We love others because God first loved us. It’s not dependent on us or our ability. Like everything else about our lives, when we accept Christ’s gift of salvation, everything comes to rely on not us, but Him. Our identity is wrapped up in who He is—for apart from Him we can do nothing, and without Him we are worthless and without hope.

But we have Him! Because of His great love with which He loved us, Christ died to impart to us the Life that we could not live apart from Him, and He gave us Life in abundance. We get to trade in our identities—who we once were—and embrace who we are in Him—redeemed, rescued, restored, made alive to God in Christ, bearing His Spirit whose fruit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. “And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires” (Galatians 5:24). “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I that live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me” (Galatians 2:20).

It’s obvious that Ted Dekker is addressing some major issues with Eyes Wide Open—identity being one of them. For that, I do respect him. I don’t want it to seem like I suddenly hate him or think he has terrible motives; I don’t. But like all of us, he is human and capable of being deceived. My prayer is that he would see the infinite beauty and know the peace that comes with the truth that our identities are not to be based on anything outside of Christ. It’s not up to us to do anything but believe and rely on Him. When we do that, we embark on the most glorious adventure of all: the life we were made for, a life spent knowing Him, more and more.

And the more you get to know Him, the more you get to know the person He created you to be. For that person cannot exist without Him, and will grow to look more like Him every day. 

{Philippians 3:7-16}

“My identity is found in Christ. Any other identity will self-destruct.” -Lecrae 

Wanna Hear a Cool Story?

This is going to be a bit long, but I wanted to give as much of the full story as possible.
Almost a year ago (has it really been that long?), I wrote a blog post about Memphis and the love and calling God has given me for my hometown. For at least five years now, God has been planting and growing desires in my heart regarding Memphis; He's given me a deep, unwavering love for the people of my city and a passionate longing to have them see and know God as He is, to surrender to Him, and to be forever changed by the power of the Gospel. At some point along the way, I started thinking about the inner city, and found myself growing more and more eager to go there and share the Gospel with the people who live there.

You see, when I was growing up, Memphis saw a huge movement (literally) of Christians. The problem was, they were moving out of the neighborhoods where gangs, drugs, and crime were becoming more prevalent, and into safer parts of town. They had good intentions; the main reason I've heard from some of these families was that they moved to protect their kids. That is a very real responsibility of parenthood, and I am not trying to point fingers or make a blanket-judgment on everyone who did this. My family moved too, and I do not and never have held it against my parents. They did what they felt was best, and looking back I believe it actually was the right choice for our family, especially because of the results it has had for my brothers. That being said, I'm not trying to condemn all the Christians in Memphis who now live in the suburbs and other "safe" areas of town. I cannot make some kind of blanket statement that it's wrong--especially when I just said that, for my family at least, it probably was the right choice.

However, this relocation had dramatic and harmful effects on those left behind. As the Christians moved out, these communities were left vulnerable and open to attack, and Satan took full advantage of that. Crime rates skyrocketed; drug use and gang violence became more and more prevalent; rape, murder, break-ins, arrests, and other reports started to become more and more commonplace in our local news stations' nightly reports. Memphis, we abandoned our own turf to this. The government didn't give up (at least not fully) on these parts of town: Money was poured into projects and school problems, and the police presence was upped to fight crime. But those things are not the ultimate answer; they cannot change crime and sin at the root; only the Gospel can. But during this time, nearly everyone who could, left.

Even while I was growing up in the suburbs, a passion for the inner city started growing in my heart. And somewhere along the way, I started praying. It's funny how, so many times, you start praying for God to do something without asking to be any part of it, and over time He changes your heart and you find yourself asking Him to send you. That's exactly what happened. But there was a problem, it seemed: I didn't live anywhere near the inner city, and honestly had hardly ever been close to it. Now what?

So I kept praying and asking God to show me what to do and to open the doors to whatever it was He had in store for me. Ironically, in the fall of 2009, I felt like He was telling me to go to this discipleship program that was just starting up the following summer--in Colorado. (This also wrecked my plans of going straight into college the fall after graduating high school, and I'm so glad it did!) As He is so faithful to do, God made it clear this was where He wanted me, and so the last few days of May 2010 found me saying a painful goodbye to the city I loved so dearly (and everyone in the city, including family and lifelong friends).

But God knew exactly what He was doing, even when I didn't have a clue. During my two semesters at Ellerslie, He did more in me than I could have ever anticipated or imagined. And when He sent me home to Memphis that December, I was ready to fight like never before for my city to know Christ. For I had learned how to fight--God had opened my eyes to what I had only just barely, once glimpsed before Ellerslie--how much of a battle ground prayer is, and how able our God is of working mightily through lives surrendered to His will. I still had no clear direction in regards to the inner city, but my prayers for Memphis had become more fervent, and I was more confident that they were not in vain--that God fully intends to redeem my city for His Kingdom.

A few months later, He provided me a job where I was paid to love on kiddos three days a week, and through that trained me in relying on His strength when my own was spent, relying on Him alone to give me grace to press on beyond my own abilities and be fully poured out for the children I worked with. There were so many times while I worked there that I knew I was worn out and needed to take a break and stop playing, but also knew that my calling right then was to stay engaged, to keep playing with and loving on these kids. And in those times of weakness, as I mentally cried out to God, "It has to be your strength, because I don't have any," again and again I saw Him come through. (Yes, this has something to do with where I'm going--trust me.)

One morning as I was listening to music on the way to work. My mp3 player was on shuffle, and a Lecrae song called "Beautiful Feet" came on. The song tells the stories of two men who grew up in the hood and ended up getting saved and going back to their neighborhoods to preach the Gospel. I'm sure I had heard this song before, but it hadn't hit home until that morning as I listened to the challenge Lecrae presents through it, calling on those whom God has called to the 'Hood to go there with the good news. He addresses those of us who haven't necessarily grown up in that environment, but who are called to go there and be His beautiful feet by bringing the Gospel. That morning, one line from this song leapt out at me and gripped me. I'm not sure if I'd ever caught it before, but if I had it hadn't sunk in that it was addressed to me. The line was this: "But who would minister in the sinister part of town? I pray if Jesus is calling you, you would be found." It cut me to the heart. In that moment, God whispered to my soul something to the effect of, "I have called you, and you know it. Will you answer the call?"

I didn't know what specifically He was asking of me, but I knew I needed to surrender again to His plans and His timing, even when I had no idea what they would look like. What I did have some clarity on was that He was asking me to be open to whatever timing God would present, and that I couldn't box it off in my mind that there was no way I could do anything in inner-city Memphis until I was out of college, etc. The other thing I felt Him clearly asking of me was to talk with my parents and share this with them, to ask them ahead of time to let me go wherever God led me, whenever He presented the opportunity. Mom and Dad already knew my heart for Memphis and the sense of calling I had for my city, but I felt that God needed to prepare them to be willing to let me risk potential danger for the sake of following our King. And He did prepare them for that; He used our conversations to make all three of us willing to allow God to lead me wherever and whenever He would into the heart of Memphis.

One Saturday evening not too long after that (this was in summer 2011), I had some time on my hands and felt the need to just spend time with God. I took my guitar with me to a nearby park and spent some time in worship and then in prayer, and when the sun started to set I packed up and headed to Starbucks, where I planned to find a nice little nook and sit with my Bible and a journal and soak up some more time alone with Jesus. On the way, I spontaneously changed my mind about which location I was going to, because I realized there was one closer that would probably be less populated on a night like this (this was pure conjecture, because I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've been to any Starbucks in the Memphis area).

As I pulled into the parking lot of this coffee shop that had not been in my original agenda, I thought things were still going basically according to plan. And they were, it just wasn't my plan! As I got in line behind two college-age girls, my sparkling raspberry soda in hand (yes, I knew I was in a coffee joint), I overheard them talking to the cashier. Some comment had made it obvious they didn't live in Memphis, so he asked what brought them here. When one of them replied that they were summer missionaries with a ministry in inner-city Memphis, my pulse quickened and my ears perked up. I paid for my soda, and then did something completely uncharacteristic for me: I walked up to complete strangers and introduced myself. Not only that, I explained that I had heard their conversation with the cashier and if they had a minute to tell me more about this ministry they were working with.

As it turned out, they were there with a whole group of summer missionaries and staff from Street Reach, which at that time I had never even heard of. Not only was the whole team there, but the director, Jason Cox, was there too. I was introduced to the rest of the group, and I explained to them basically what I've just been laying out here (though I gave them a shorter version)--how God has been giving me a passion for Memphis, specifically the inner city. And they told me about more of what they do.

Street Reach is a ministry based at Brinkley Heights Baptist Church--in inner-city Memphis! It started as the result of this small, impoverished church body, who about twenty years ago began praying that, if God would send the resources and reinforcements, they would work to take back their community for the Kingdom of God. Street Reach is what has come out of that prayer. While active in the community year-round, Street Reach runs Backyard Bible Clubs throughout the summer each year, with youth groups and college students coming in one-week shifts throughout to help facilitate these and also serve the community in other ways like nursing home visits, maintenance, lawn mowing, etcetera.

As you can probably imagine (especially if you know me very well), as I listened to all this I was getting more and more excited. I could already see that it had not been coincidence that I ran into these people or heard about this, and while I didn't know yet what might come of it, I knew God was up to something here. Before I left, Jason Cox (the director) gave me his card and told me to feel free to email him sometime if I ever wanted to drop by and see what they did first-hand, or if I was interested in being a part of Street Reach in the future.

I went home enthusiastic and ready to dive headfirst through this door God was clearly opening before me, but as it turned out, He was only showing me a glimpse; it wasn't time yet. I emailed Jason a few weeks later and asked about being able to come volunteer and help out, but I never heard back from him. For a while, this was puzzling to me, but God knew exactly what He was doing. He had other things lined up.

So last fall found me headed to college in Mississippi, once again saying an agonizing goodbye to my city for a season, and unsure of when God would ever open the door for me to go work in Memphis' inner city. But as I said, He had a plan (as always!). About a month later, my sister and I found the church in Jackson (Wesley Chapel) that was to become our home while we're at college. The youth group there, which we also got involved working with, is largely inner-city kids, plus some homeschoolers (it makes for an awesome combination, believe me--love our youth!!). Also at college, I've gotten involved with apartment ministries through the BSU (Baptist Student Union), and this semester my English class has been doing service-learning by helping tutor kids at a nearby apartment complex. Through all of these, and through college life in general, God has not only provided more experience working with kids from different backgrounds, but He has also been training me in how to be more fully poured out and to rely upon Him to lead me and give me words to speak when I tell them about Him, among other things. (Ever notice it's kind of hard to summarize everything God is working in your life?)

Ready? Here's where things start getting really exciting. On January 20, 2012, I received an email from Jason, the director of Street Reach, saying that they had some senior-staff positions open for this summer. He attached the application for it in case I was interested. I was stunned at first, for multiple reasons. One, I had never heard back from him when I'd emailed before, and I thought they had probably forgotten about ever meeting me--but he specifically mentioned that in the email. Two, I had assumed I was going back to my old job (childcare) for the summer, and that that was where God wanted me; now here was an opportunity to instead spend my summer in the very part of town He had been burdening me for for so long. I was a bit overwhelmed, to say the least.

Not wanting to repeat history and jump the gun on this, I spent a lot of time praying before I responded. I did email back with a few questions, and in that way found out that it would be a full-time commitment from the end of May all the way to the end of July, and then that it was actually a paying position, which I had not expected. In fact, as I had been praying before I found that out, I was asking God to be clear with me because I knew He could provide for me if He wanted me to do this instead of working elsewhere to earn money towards college. One by one, the doors started to swing open...from my parents being not only okay with, but excited about the opportunity...to God giving me the go-ahead to start on the application...to one of my employers at my old job being so enthusiastic that she was not only willing to not have me work there for the sake of this, but was also willing to provide a reference for me for the Street Reach application...to confirmations on nearly every side... In a lot of ways, what God has done these past few months is simply too awesome to put into words.

(This is the part where everything starts to tie together.) During Spring Break, I went in for my interview for the position at Street Reach. It was one of the most amazing, worshipful experiences of my life! It was then, as they explained in greater detail what this summer will look like and asked me questions, I suddenly became aware of so many of God's fingerprints in setting all of this up. It was then that I saw all the ways He has prepared me, from my family background and upbringing, to the youth group I grew up in, to the church we're at now in Memphis, to various experiences through the years, to Ellerslie and all that happened there, to the church and youth group my sister and I are plugged into in Jackson, to apartment ministries and tutoring here in Mississippi...everything God has been building in me for just about my entire life, He is going to utilize--and deepen--this summer as I work with Street Reach (yes, I got the job!).

After years and years of being readied for this, without knowing it, at long last I am heading into the place God has been laying on my heart for years. It's humbling to see this coming to pass and to realize the depth of the calling I have been given--to be fully spent and poured out in service to my King by serving in the heart of my city and fighting alongside Him to rescue those that most would overlook.

I know God has great plans for this city, this nation, this world, and this generation. He's called us to be a part of that, but it starts in the here and now. Memphis will not change unless the hearts of the people in this city change. America will not be changed unless the people in it surrender themselves to the Lord and allow Him to change them. This world and this generation will see no lasting good, until the individuals who make up this world and our generation call upon the only One who is good. Humans have tried for centuries to solve the world's problems. We've spent lifetimes of hours and millions of dollars in research, programs, methodologies, and so on, trying to make the world a better place, and all the while it has only gotten worse. The problem lies at the heart: sinful human nature. And there is only one Cure: the Gospel of Jesus Christ, who through His life, death, and resurrection defeated the powers of sin and death and purchased not only redemption and forgiveness, but also our inheritance: the Holy Spirit (see Ephesians 1). It is only by the power of Christ in us that we can live for Him and be His hands and His feet to this dying world.

It is only through Him that I can have any true or lasting effect on my city. But where He calls, He equips. He may be sending this girl who has thus far lived a pretty sheltered life, largely in the suburbs, to live in a neighborhood with a completely different culture than what I've grown up in, but His plans don't look like the ones we humans would come up with. I am indescribably excited to embark on this new assignment just over a month from now, and to see all that God does then, in the meantime, and after. I have a feeling this will not be my only opportunity to serve and fight on the front lines for my city.

But God's Kingdom is advanced through prayer. I have already put years of prayer into this, but that doesn't end now that the opportunity is here. If anything, it must increase. Will you join me in praying for our great God to have His way--now, this summer, and beyond--in Memphis, in your city, in our nations, in this world, and in our generation? Rise up, men and women of the Lord Most High, and fight like never before for our King and His glory! Rak Khazak!!

"And I will be known in the eyes of many nations, 

and they shall know that I am the LORD."

-Ezekiel 38:23b

Burnout?

There are many things (probably more than I could think of to list) that I have been taught and nurtured in growing up in regards to the Christian life. But there are also a few things that were either taught or just generally accepted, which at some point I began to realize have no biblical basis, or else have just been a little twisted by our Americanized-Christian culture. I will say that these are few and far between when it comes to the instruction I received growing up, but recently one in particular has been coming up that I just feel the need to go ahead and say something about. Burnout.
This is the idea that, as Christians, we need to be careful to not do too much, because if we do we end up with too much on our plate, we'll fizzle out and wind up with no energy, no strength, nothing to offer. It makes sense, if you think about it logically. Overexert, and you wind up useless and weaker than you started.

But there's a problem with this line of thinking. As Christians, we are called to not lean on our own strength, our own ability, but to fully and only rely on Jesus Christ. His strength is made perfectly evident in our weakness, because He's the strong one--not us. Our God is not weak or incapable.

Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might He increases strength. Even youths shall faint and grow weary, and young men shall utterly fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. -Isaiah 40:28-31

 This is one of those feel-good passages so many of us have heard so many times, even memorized for Bible class or Sunday school. But sometimes with verses like these, we allow them to lose their potency for us because we don't really listen to what they're saying, they're so familiar to us. So go back and read it again, really read it--listen to what it's saying.

Do you see it? It's teaching the same thing the New Testament does: that our strength must come from God, or we won't have any worth mentioning. The "burnout" principle has some truth to it. If we set out in our own strength to do what we think God's called us to, in our power, we will wind up miserable failures at it all. There won't be fruit, and instead the life will be sucked out of us who are trying, in our own strength, to do something good for God. That's the problem. First, it has to really be what He's called you to. God doesn't just give us strength and say, "Now go find a way to use it!" He has a purposeful, specific plan for each of us in advancing His Kingdom. Not all are called to be overseas missionaries. Not all are called to be teachers or pastors or even parents. But each one of us has a unique calling, and when God calls, He equips. It is only by His strength that we can accomplish His work; that's why the Gospel's so important. God Himself has done what we could not do, and through His death has given us Life--a.k.a. Himself. "I am the way, the truth and the life..." ring any bells?
God didn't give us a job, sit back, and say, "Good luck with that." He filled us with the only thing that can accomplish His will--Him. He is the everlasting God. He doesn't faint or grow weary; we do. He never fails; we do.

So now we come to the side of burnout that's not biblically sound: the idea that we can be doing "too much" for God. It's true that when we do life on our own terms and in our own strength, we will run out of energy, motivation, and ability to carry it all out. But it's not true that when we are doing what we were created for and relying on Christ to do what we can't on our own, we will meet with burnout. Study the New Testament. Who is Lord of the Sabbath? Who is to be our rest, our strength, our savior, the Head of the Body, the foundation upon which everything rests? Jesus. As long as our gaze is on Him, He will equip us for every good work that He has for us to do.

Do we ever see Paul decide he's done enough and he can take it easy now? On the contrary, he gets stoned and dragged out to the trash heap, then revives and gets right back up and strolls straight back into town to keep preaching. In addition to preaching and ministering everywhere he goes, he makes tents and sells them for a living, finds time to write to the churches in other cities, and never ceases praying for the believers everywhere. Sounds like a pretty good description of work that, if done day in and day out over the course of years, is a recipe for wearing you out quickly.

So what?

Have we been promised a life of ease and comfort, to do the minimal amount of work, stamp God's name on it, and say we've made our contribution and can hang out at the status quo? I don't think I've ever read a single verse in the entire Bible that even hints at that. If there are any, feel free to point them out to me. But I'm pretty sure we were promised trials, persecution, hardship, and slander, and for our flesh, a daily, bloody death on a cross. Crosses aren't comfortable. And Jesus hadn't died on one yet when He commanded us to daily take up our cross and follow Him. But He has died, and He has risen. And He has called us to follow Him, to preach His Gospel to the ends of the earth, to make disciples, to glorify Him in all things. He's called us to a life we can't live without Him.

We do not go alone into this world, bearing the good news. We go filled with and clothed in Him (check out Ephesians). The hope of glory is Christ in you. So should we settle for anything less? Should we keep trying to do things our own way, in our own strength, when we've been given the opportunity of a lifetime to be spent and poured out for the glory of our King?

"The hour of God is struck! War is at hand! In God's holy name, let us arise and build! The God of heaven, He will fight for us, and we for Him. We will not build on the sand but on the bedrock of the sayings of Christ. And the gates and minions of hell shall not prevail against us. Should such men as we fear? Before the whole world, aye, before the sleepy, lukewarm, faithless, namby-pamby world, we will venture our all for Him, we will live and we will die for Him, and we will do it with His joy unspeakable singing aloud in our hearts. We will a thousand times sooner die trusting in our God than live trusting in man. And when we come to this position, the battle is already won, and the end of the glorious campaign in sight."  -C.T. Studd

Why Am I Here?

Lately I've been realizing more and more how atypical I am, how ironic my life right now really is. I'm not your typical college student. I didn't come to college to get a high-paying job, to afford a nice house and a fancy car, to have a husband, 1.3 kids, and a dog. I'm not here to find a man. I'm not here to prove myself, academically or otherwise. I'm not here to get away from home and my family. It seems like I'm not here for any of the possible reasons most people go to college. So why am I here?

Honestly, that's something I questioned a lot, particularly during my first month or so here at MC. If you don't believe me, ask the people back home who, when I came home one weekend for a visit a few weeks into school, asked how college was and all I could say was an emphatic, "It's good to be home!" I had to wrestle through this question, because from the start I haven't been here for any of the reasons I just listed. During those first few weeks, I repeatedly found myself asking God, "Am I really supposed to be here? Can I please drop out?" A large part of what made me want to be anywhere but here is just how grieved I was to see the spiritual state of things. I'm at a university that calls itself Christian, but with all the distractions, the complacency, the subtle lies that seem to surround and permeate this campus on so many levels, at first especially it was hard for me to see any signs of life or hope. 

God's been clear with me all along that this is where He's called me. And so with that for me to cling to, He has shown me step by step that there is nothing too daunting for Him, that He is greater and stronger than everything that tries to pull the people on this campus away from Him. Through reminding me of who He is and what He wills to do, God has given me joy and faith and the grace to persevere here. 

So you might be wondering at this point why I am here. Well, in some ways I have answers to that, and in some ways I don't. Ultimately, I'm here for God's glory. Whether that means being here to be a real friend to some of the people He's put me in contact with and to live out my faith before them, or to seize hidden opportunities to serve and bless people even if they'll never know who did it, or to give a much-needed hug to one of the cleaning staff...I cannot imagine or list all the ways God can possibly use me, even in the little things, here. 

But why am I at college, earning a degree? Well, here's where you're about to see just how atypical a college student I am. =)

I'm at college to hone some skills and to earn a degree which will hopefully help me get a job editing (though I may easily wind up working for minimum wage at a gym or a fast-food chain instead), to make end's meat and go live in the "hood," to take the Gospel to those who need it and know they need it and to live among them daily as a witness of God's grace, to take on the principalities and spiritual powers that have claimed their turf in the heart of my city, and to watch my God fight for us and prove to everyone Who is the Lord Most High. I fully expect to die with a bullet in my head one day, or something similar. And, call me crazy, but what better way to go than to die standing and fighting for my God to be known by those whom Satan will fight tooth-and-nail to see destroyed?

So that's why I'm here, and it all starts now. On my own, I am completely incapable of any of this. But greater is He who is in me than he that is in this world, and I will live and die to prove that. 

Daily, may I live and die to prove that. Daily, may I lay down my rights, my desires, my way, and watch You fill me with the fullness of all You are, King Jesus. You are the Way. You are the Truth. You are the Life. You are Love. You are Lord of all, so be Lord of all I am. Have Your way.

Worthless Without You

This afternoon I stumbled across half a sheet of paper on which a little over a month ago I had written a song...well, the lyrics anyway. I figured out some chords to it today, but thought I'd share the lyrics. It's a song about probably the main thing God's been revealing to me during my time at college thus far. The recurring theme has been this: "Apart from Me, you can do nothing." I'm pretty sure Jesus meant that. =) It's so true, unless we are abiding in Him, seeking Him, being led by Him, anything we try in our own strength to work up or to do, comes to nothing. We can't do anything worthwhile, but He can. May we be overtaken by Him more and more, be used of Him to advance His Kingdom and do His work...for without Him, without Him abiding in us and we in Him, we can do nothing.

Worthless without You

  I was busy dying, embracing everything that would kill me,

  Running from and fighting the only One who could save me.

  I was trapped inside my darkness, imprisoned by my own sin,

  Until You rescued me.

Now I'm busy living, running after the Source of all things good.

I'm caught up living for You, dying to me, to see You move.

I've forsaken all I once lived for, all I ever knew.

For You are worth far more.

  You rescued, You redeemed, You gave worth to this life.

  I was not worth the price You paid, 

  But You are worthy of my life, bought by Your blood.

  Apart from You, I can do nothing.

  So have Your way. Be Lord of all.

Now I'm busy living, running after the Source of all things good.
I'm caught up living for You, dying to me, to see You move.
I've forsaken all I once lived for, all I ever knew.
For You are worth far more.

     Apart from You, I can do nothing.
     I must "Do or do not. There is no try."
     Unless You build the house, my labor will be in vain.
     It must be You; it can't be me.
     For anything I do in my own strength is only filthy rags.
     I'm worthless without You.

Now I'm busy living, running after the Source of all things good.
I'm caught up living for You, dying to me, to see You move.
I've forsaken all I once lived for, all I ever knew.
For You are worth far more.

 Jesus, You are worth far more...

A Black-and-White Issue

What I am about to write is possibly one of the boldest and most politically incorrect things I've ever taken a public stance on. But that can't stop me from writing it. A conviction and righteous indignation that has been stirring within me for years, well over half my nineteen-year-old life, has finally risen to the surface so strongly that I simply can't keep my mouth shut or my fingers from typing. If I try, I'll explode; it's no use. So, here goes.

On my wall is a poster I made, which holds a whole list of things I am praying about for my city. It's nothing fancy. The top reads "Fighting for Memphis" and below that the lists are separated into two columns: "Fighting For..." and "Fighting Against." It's not a comprehensive list, either. I've run out of room on my single sheet of poster board, and one of these days I'll get another one to go beneath to continue the list. But the very first topic on the right-hand column (things I'm fighting against), is racism.

Yep, I said it. Racism.

I've lived in Memphis all my life, with the exception of the six months I was at Ellerslie in Colorado. Hence, I've grown up in the heart of the Mid-South. And I can tell you, racism is very much alive today, and has been all my life and even before. Anyone who's lived here in Memphis knows it, even if they wouldn't admit it. And I'm willing to bet, based both on conversations I've had with friends who've grown up even up North, and on my knowledge of human nature and the lies that have been passed down for so long, that it's alive and well in other places too.
Before I go any further, there is something I need to say. I am living proof that someone can grow up in an area where racism is as prevalent as it is in Memphis, and not be racist themselves. I'm not trying to sound arrogant or prideful, but it's true. I've heard people say things like "You can't convince me that when you look at me you don't notice I'm black." Well, to a level, that's true, but let me tell you something. When I meet someone for the first time, of course I notice what color their skin is. Just like I notice what color their hair and eyes are. And in the same way that I don't, when I meet someone with red hair, immediately imagine some boundary between us because "My hair's brown and hers is red--what if we can't relate to eachother?" Do you see how ridiculous that sounds? Same goes for blondes--some of the brightest, smartest people I know are blonde (so cut the jokes). And same goes for Asians--one of my closest friends in the world is Asian. And the same goes for African Americans. My youngest brother is black, and so is my "big bro" (family friend whom we've sort of adopted, but not legally or anything).

Let's get something straight here. There is one race that exists, and only one that has ever existed--the human race. It doesn't matter what color anyone's hair or eyes or skin tone are; we all came from Adam and Eve. Racism. Break it down, and the word literally means a belief in the existence of races. And this idea that has so penetrated and plagued our prideful, sinful, self-righteous minds for hundreds of years--this idea that there is more than one race--is a lie straight from Hell. If you don't believe me, look at its fruit. Ever seen racism produce good fruit? Love? Joy? Peace? Patience? Goodness? Kindness? I sure haven't. I've seen it cause strife, division, hatred, murder, deceit, and pride--and none of those are at all praiseworthy.
I am sick and tired of watching this lie eat away at my city and my fellow man. I've grown up and somehow escaped its poison, but in that I find myself in the minority. And that's sad. What's even more sad is that this lie is so prevalent in the Church. Know that I'm not throwing a general slur out there and saying that every church body is controlled by racism. But at the same time I know we're not free of it completely in the American church. And that has to change. I'm not holding you to my opinion, but to the Word of God:

"...ye have put off the old man with his deeds; and have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of Him that created him: wherein there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond, nor free: but Christ is all, and in all." -Colossians 3:9-11

By all means, let us throw off the bonds that hinder us, stare down the lies that try to destroy from the inside out, and confront those lies with the Truth.

Before I was born, but not so long ago in our nation's history, there was a great movement that took place and fought for human rights and equality. We know it as the Civil Rights Movement. But I'm here to tell you, while that movement was largely victorious, it was only going after a symptom, and not the root of the real issue. The issue is not discrimination, it is not "racism" in the sense of treating people differently because of the color of their skin or because of their upbringing. The issue lies within our own hearts, in our idiotic pride that would dare say, "I am more important or more special or of more worth than someone else because of _____." And here I must plead guilty, for I cannot pretend that I have never acted out the lie that I and my own interests and "rights" are greater or more important than those of anyone else. I have. I have selfishly looked out for my own interests and not the interests of others. I have treated others--even and perhaps especially my own parents and family members--like they were less important than me. The lie we are so prone to believe deep down, that it's all about me and the world all revolves around me, stems from the exact same place that the lie of racism does. And it's sin. There is no other name for it, for it goes directly against what God has mandated.

So, America, let's repent of our sin. Let's confess before the God Who already knows, and ask Him by His grace to change our hearts and make them like His. This is something only He can do. No matter how many movements we have, Jesus is the only One who can change our hearts. I've grown up free, by the grace of God, from racism, shielded in part by my parents' solid belief in the Bible and their lack of racism. But I know my God, and I know there is no sin too great for Him to overcome. You want victory? Side with Him, and trust Him for it. He's able, and He's faithful.

I don't know how many people will read this. And to a large extent, I don't care. That's in God's hands, and if He wants to have just a few people read it and be stirred, whether to repentance or to prayer, or both--it's fine with me. And though my flesh shrinks from the idea of a huge number of people (especially people who don't know me) reading all this, my spirit is altogether willing to allow that to be the case, if God so chooses.

That is all.

The Adventure

There's a truth that's gradually come to my attention within the past year or so, which lately has also become a challenge to my soul:

Life is supposed to be an adventure. 

It explains a lot. It explains why we as humans are so drawn to adventure, whether it be in a fictional story in a book or a movie, or the more real-life adventures like camping, hiking, and such. But perhaps before I go too far down the road of what this means, I should backtrack and give some evidence that this is truth and not just my own opinion.
First, how about a definition of "eternal life"? After all, that is what we as Christians are promised, correct? I know in our day and age "eternal life" is seen to mean simply that when we die, we will go to live forever in heaven. Well, guess how Jesus defined it?

"And this is life eternal, that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, Whom Thou has sent."        -John 17:3

That's right, eternal life is knowing God. I wonder if you're caught as stunned and simply awestruck as I was a few weeks ago when my sister brought that verse up in a conversation. I'm sure I had read it before, but quite certain it had never hit home until then. And get this, the Greek word translated there as "know" is actually pretty specific; it means intimately knowing someone in the way a husband and wife know each other. Jesus isn't talking about being simply acquainted with Him. See, He is eternal life.

"I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life: no man cometh unto the Father but by Me." -John 14:6

 Now, back to the adventure aspect. Let me ask you something, is a life of total abandon and surrender to a call to lay down everything (including our lives, for we are not our own [see 1 Corinthians 6:19-20])--does that sound like a dull, ordinary life? Sure doesn't to me. And look at the other side of this calling we have as Christians: we get to know Jesus Christ, and we get to be transformed by Him, into His likeness. And we're called to fight! I love the analogy in Ephesians 6 when Paul tells us to "put on the armor of God." Why would we wear armor, why would we have a sword, if we're not in the midst of a battle?

There's this myth that has been readily embraced by the majority of American churches and Christians these days. It goes like this: There are only a few select Christians in every generation that are called to step up and live out a radical Christianity that stands out, that accomplishes much for the Kingdom of God, that brings them ridicule and scorn; there are a few called-out ones in each generation who will step up and take the lead, and live a fully yielded and poured-out life for Jesus. I used to believe it, too. But guess what? I've got news for ya. Know how many times this idea is backed up by Scripture? ZERO.
When Jesus is saying "Whosoever will come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me,"
do you see some little exemption clause anywhere in the surrounding text? Did He pause just then and say, "Well, those are the requirements for My followers who are to be the 'extreme' ones. But the rest of you..." Um, no.
Let's pause for just one second, too, and take a look at those requirements our King laid out for us:
Whosoever--anyone, whoever
will--The word implies an exertion of the will. This is no flippant decision.
come after--follow, pursue
Me--Jesus, the Messiah, Emmanuel (God with us), the King of all kings, the Lamb that was slain...
let him
deny--renounce completely 
himself--all you are, including your desires, your dreams, your talents...everything that defines you
take up--pick up, carry
his--your own
cross--an instrument of torture and death (sound fun?)
and--plus, in addition to
follow--pursue, keep company with, become disciple of, side with
Me--our King, our Master, our Life, our Leader, our Example-Setter, our Savior...


THIS is what we're called to. These are the requirements that Jesus Christ Himself set for all who would follow Him, who would be called by His Name. And last time I checked, we're not at all capable in our own strength and abilities to do any of this--which is where the adventure comes in. He didn't leave us with an impossible task and no means of carrying it out. We have His very Spirit dwelling inside us, transforming our minds by the power of His Word and changing our hearts as we come to intimately know Him, as we willingly offer ourselves to Him as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to Him.

See what I mean? ADVENTURE! The adventure of a lifetime awaits...

And that's exactly what has been challenging me lately with sweet conviction. I have tasted such adventure. I've walked these trails, or the beginnings of them. But there's deeper to go--so much deeper! Indeed, with an infinitely great God, there shall always be more of Him to know. So why do I sometimes catch myself sitting on the sidelines, watching my life drag by without this sense of adventure? The answer, though painful, is simple: the times that happens are the times I have taken my gaze off Christ. It happens when I choose to live for myself and to simply go through the motions instead of living moment-by-moment completely consumed by and caught up in the wonder of all He is and all He has in store. When I'm not getting my directions from Him, I tend to flounder. When I'm not pursuing Him and more of Him, I find myself and my life seeming strange and empty.
I don't know about you, but I for one love adventure. And the last thing I want is to live a boring, ordinary life when I'm called to more. So let's shake off the complacency that has settled in in our comfortable, safe Christianity, and chase the adventure God's set before us. Let's run this race with endurance, not staggering or fainting from fatigue, but leaning wholly upon His mighty strength in our weakness, so that we may truly run and not grow faint, but instead rise up on wings as eagles'. Let's press hard and stop settling for less than what God has in store--settling for less than eternal life, which is knowing Him. Onward!

"Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."        -Joshua 1:9

Revival--Do We Really Desire It?

Well, I'm home for the second day between getting home from Colorado (visiting Ellerslie and some of my dear brothers and sisters in Christ there), and departing again for my youth group's roadtrip to Youth America tomorrow. I should be packing. Or should I? Packing can wait; what God is pressing on my heart cannot. I don't think I can wait another week before I write about it. So, here goes. 

About a month ago, I wrote a song that was inspired both by what God has been teaching me, and by a quote from Keith Green. When I read his biography, No Compromise, a year or two ago, there were several quotes that jumped off the page at me, but there is only one I can remember word-for-word. In his journal one day Keith Green wrote, "Lord, let there be revival and let it begin in me!" 

For years, I have longed to see true revival sweep through my generation, setting them on fire for God and His Kingdom. But at the same time, I was content to remain as I was. In retrospect, if I were now to put into words the cry and attitude of my heart even just about a year ago, it would be something like this:

"Lord, reveal Yourself to my generation and change them! They need You so desperately, and rather than surrendering to You and living as they were created to and glorifying You, they are pursuing vain and pitiful things of this world, leading themselves only to darkness, despair, and destruction. You've brought me to truly know You; now bring them to this place, that they may see how much better their lives could really be when You are the center as You ought to be." Up to this point, this is likely what my verbal prayers would have looked like. But there was another side, a side I was blind to at the time. While crying out for others to know God, my heart was inwardly saying at the same time, "But, God, I'm perfectly content to remain at this spot where I am. I think I've reached the place where I'm ready to do Your work in the areas You've called me to, ministering to my little circle of influence, and if You make a way for it, to a larger audience. But we're good. I've reached the epitome of knowing You, and need go no further. I know I'm called to be kind of "radical" in a way, but not to the same extreme as some of Your followers from times past." I had no longing to know Him more, no desire to be further conformed into His image and to be made strong so that I would have strength to pour out for others. 

And just in the past year or so, God has brought me to my knees on that point. He's shown me that following Him truly means laying everything else at His feet, fully yielding all I am and all I have to give to Him, giving up my preconceived "rights" and allowing Him to have His way in and with my life in every aspect. I've not reached the end of what the Christian life looks like, but merely the beginning. I've only glimpsed a preview of His glory, of His designs for my generation, of His heart, and of all that He truly is. Though it is definitely hard to relinquish everything, it is more than worth it. Why would or should we cling to the filthy pebbles of our own desires, goals, dreams, and comfort, when there are infinite riches to be had in knowing the Creator of the Universe Himself, the Almighty King over all, the Savior, the God Who is with us and Who in His utterly mind-boggling design has made a way where there was no way, for us to know Him (for this is eternal life--John 17:3) and to be part of His plans? Why on earth would we settle for less than the intense beauty and incredible adventure of a life spent with and for Him?! 

Recently, God has been breaking me in a deeper way. He has been humbling me, revealing to me just how hard my heart still is, how much I desperately need Him to change me and to give me a heart that beats in accordance with His. He's been showing me how much I myself am in need of revival within my soul. So what is revival? Once upon a time I thought it meant something like these huge events where speakers rent out a sports stadium and present the Gospel, where the unsaved come to believing faith in their Savior. But that's not it, or perhaps I should say that's not the full definition of the word revival, but merely the beginning of it. Revival is much deeper than praying a dictated prayer. It's more than an emotional decision that may or may not stand the next day or week or month or year. Revival is a condition of soul where an individual beholds the awesome holiness of God, and falls to his face before Him. Revival is a yielding up of body, soul, mind, and spirit to the only One who is worthy of such sacrifice. Revival is when the Holy Spirit of the Living God comes in like a fire and burns away everything of self and sin, igniting the soul of the believer like the burning bush to display the Life of God within. 

Earlier I mentioned a song...Here it is. I pray that God brings you to this same place of yearning for revival, not just in our generation and our world, but within your own soul. For there cannot be true revival if God's people do not allow Him to begin with them. 

Revival Song

What will revival mean if You don't bring it in me?

What joy can anything bring if You're not the One I seek?

Lord, break my heart afresh and keep my eyes on You.

I can't do this on my own, and I know I don't want to.

     So, Lord, let there be revival,

     And, please, begin it in me!

     Jesus, take this heart of stone

     And give me one that beats

     And yearns for You alone.

On these days when I slip into the routine of my life,

Return my gaze to You, and be Lord of my life.

I'm done living ordinary. Lord, transform, use me for Your glory!

'Cause this life is not about me. It was made to be lived for You.

     So, Lord, let there be revival,

     And, please, begin it in me!

     Jesus, take this heart of stone

     And give me one that beats

     And yearns for You alone.

  My life is not my own, for I was bought with a price.

  Jesus, take full possession of all my life.

  You are my King. May I daily reckon that as so,

  Not with my mouth only, bu with all my soul. 

  Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours.

  This life is not worth living if You're not its source!

     So, Lord, let there be revival,

     And, please, begin it in me!

     Jesus, take this heart of stone

     And give me one that beats

     And yearns for You alone.

It is impossible to truly come face-to-face with God and remain unchanged. Will you yield?

Jesus, whatever it takes, draw Your people to Yourself. May we behold Your glory, and fully yield ourselves and our lives to be willing vessels, shining it forth for all to see the Light of the World. The nations shall know that You are the Lord.