Kingdoms

Mind if I treat this one like a bit of a journal entry for a second and start out with some candid, honest dismissal? I should be wrapping up a homework assignment right now. That is, I "should" be according to the part of me that tends to pipe in with great insistence that I have to put a high priority on academics. That being said, here comes the dismissal bit: as you can see, I'm not doing my homework at the moment. Don't worry, I'll get to it. I'll just probably have a bit of a clearer head to do it well once I get some things transferred from mind and heart to words. I'm weird and function that way. Now, to get more to the point so I can get around to that homework and thus ease the pain for those of you who may or may not be lecturing to your screens right now as if I can hear you...

I am not my own.

I know a lot of us Christians tend to say that a lot, but lately it's been hitting me harder and harder. It's counter-cultural, in a world that tells me my life is mine, that I should do my thing and pursue my desires and do things that will better the kingdom of Me. Well, in my limited time on this planet I've come to the conclusion that the Kingdom of Me is pretty crummy and quite a bit boring and pointless. There's another kingdom, though, that I'd much rather throw my allegiance into--a kingdom that's all about a whole lot more than me.

At the heart of this other kingdom is a King who not only has all the authority there's ever been, but who deserves such authority far more than me or you or anyone else--so much so that it's a pretty pathetic comparison. There's no one to compare with this King, for not only does He have all this power, but in His sovereignty He chooses deliberately to rescue the broken and frail and helpless--basically, the people who could never have any hope of either doing or being anything close to what this holy King deserves. Not only does He rescue us, though, He turns around and chooses just as deliberately to use these broken containers to transport His message--His heart--to others who are just as broken and incapable (hint: that's all of us).

Now, I know you're not necessarily too familiar with the Kingdom of Me, but doesn't the Kingdom of Him sound a whole lot more glorious than a pitiful one-man show squeaking about its own importance amid a crowd of other solo-citizen kingdoms fighting their way through this life for their own fading glories? I think so.

I had a conversation with a friend a little while back in which we were discussing happiness, and I remarked to her that I've noticed in my own life I'm never happier than when my life is more about other people than it is about just me. There's really no quicker way to misery for me than for all my thoughts, prayers, and desired to be centered around the Kingdom of Me. Don't get me wrong; I still find myself wandering down that miserable trail sometimes--in fact, it's a lot more often than my prideful self would like me to admit. But it's still miserable. It feels empty and pointless and lonely. And it reeks of self-pity, judgmental harshness, and failure.

I don't like that path. But to get off it, I must allow Jesus to shift my thoughts, prayers, and desires toward what (who) He is thinking of and praying for and desiring. And to do that, I have to let go of the many and mini concerns of the Kingdom of Me. I have to hand it over to Him all over again and remind myself that He's a much more capable ruler than I am, and that His Kingdom will remain long after my fleeting time on this earth is ended.

But although His Kingdom is far better than mine, it still doesn't mean an easy road for its citizens. It means my life is not my own, that it's not about me, which means it's actually a whole lot about others. It's all about Jesus, but I find He very often has people on His heart, and has this tendency to put them on my heart as well. And so there are times when my own individual life may seem to be going pretty smoothly along with work and school and only the usual, rather insignificant issues or struggles of normal everyday life.

Perhaps it would be so simple and straightforward, if His Kingdom were somehow still all about the Kingdom of Me. But it's not. And because it's not, I carry around with me pieces of other people's lives. I get to rejoice in the triumphs of what God's doing in one friend's life, and meanwhile be absolutely aching for what another is going through. I get to stand hopeful and expectant, and I get to weep tears of anguish, pleading for redemption or victory or peace in the lives of people I love. It means sometimes I am compelled to say things that sheepish me would rather not bring up. Every once in a while, it even means giving a complete stranger a hug. But no matter how awkward or outright difficult the things He calls me to walk through are, I would never ever trade the beauty and glory and deep-seated joy to be found in living for His Kingdom, for the pitiful and temporary happiness of living for the Kingdom of Me.

But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For His sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I might gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes from faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith--that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and may share His sufferings, becoming like Him in His death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal of the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 3:7-14

Press on.

Brothers.

There is probably nothing and no one on this earth that has caused my heart more joy, more tears, more excitement, and more anguish over the years than brothers. I'm not just talking about the two I'm related to, although they are definitely at the top of that list, as they're the ones I am most tied to and thankful for. But I'm also talking about quite a few guys in my life--some of whom are my true brothers in Christ, and some of whom I have for years prayed and longed to see become that. I have brothers I know personally, and brothers I more know of (a group which stretches to include some music artists whom I feel connected to in part because of their music). But for me, on a certain level, they are all, undeniably, my brothers. I care about them on a deep level, and want to see them become all they can be, all they were created to be.

God has abundantly blessed me with many awesome brothers in Christ over the past few years--men whom I'd trust with my life and who can make me smile just thinking about them. I count it an honor to be "related" to these guys, to be able to share some portion of my life with them, and to get to know them well enough to pray specifically for what I see the Lord doing in and through them. God is building some incredible men after His heart in this generation; I can vouch for that.

As for my two younger brothers (who are stuck with me 'til they die or I do), I may never have words for how deeply I love them nor how fiercely I desire to see them become the men God has called them to be. My life and my sister's would have been dull, ugly, and pretty glum without our two youngest siblings and their laughs and adventures, and even their snide remarks about being taller than me. As much as they've aggravated or frustrated me at various points over the years, they have helped shape me in ways nobody else could, and I count it among my richest joys to be their sister. Greater things are yet to come in both my brothers' lives, and I cannot wait to see it all unfold.

There are also guys I've either grown up with or come to know at some point along the way, whom I've specifically felt called to pray for. I don't believe God puts anyone on your heart for no reason. Because of that, my heart will continue to cry out for them to see Him, to know Him, to yield up their lives and find that real life begins at that point of surrender, that the plans God has for them are so much bigger and greater and harder and infinitely more worthwhile than anything anyone but Him could ever dream up. I can't pretend my heart doesn't often break when I see or think of these guys, whom in my book are still brothers though they may be distant from our Father; but beyond the pain of hurting for where they're at, I see hope. I see potential, because I know God didn't put them on this earth for nothing, any more than He laid them on my heart for no reason.

I fight for my brothers. I don't just pray for them soft and sweet. Sure, maybe I do at times, but for the most part, when I'm praying for any of my brothers, there's this sort of growl that rises up inside my soul. It's often a battle, a pleading with the One who is stronger to overthrow the attempts of enemy forces to thwart His plans for my brothers' lives, a blatant defiance towards the lies that either say there's no hope or that the place they're at is "good enough" when God's still got bigger plans for them.

Because no matter how far any of my brothers have come, the fact they're still breathing means their purpose on this earth is not finished yet. I've been blessed to the point of awe to see God answer prayers that asked Him to do more than I knew to ask in brothers' lives. There are deeper and greater and harder and more glorious things ahead.

So bros, whether I've tossed a football or a frisbee with you, played tag or "dogs" or Jedis or Nintendo with you when we were younger, worked with you, or just talked with you; whether I've known you for a month or a decade (or more)...chances are, I've prayed for you (for the vast majority of you, it's been too many times to count). And it's not that I don't pray for my sisters; but there's something that kicks into gear when it comes to praying for my brothers that's incredibly hard to describe. I want to see each of you become all you can be, but even as you are every single one of you has blessed my life in one way or another.

So run hard. Love deeply. Surrender recklessly. Look up.
God's plans for you are better than I can know, but I'll keep looking for glimpses of them. And I won't stop praying for you.

Rak khazak!
-Kala

Now.

In this life, every season has an ending. Just as we don't stay helpless newborns forever, there comes a day when you realize (or your parents realize) that you're getting too big to be carried. The days of being fed by others pass, and in time we grow and learn how to feed ourselves, how to make our own decisions, how to live. And even though we may sometimes look back at those special seasons of our lives where everything seemed great and want to go back to those carefree summer days in fourth grade catching fireflies in the backyard, that season has ended. A new one is here. And just ahead, peeking through the trees over the crest of this next hill, another season will come. And we don't always know what comes next. For me, I seldom do, and even when I have a glimpse of what lies ahead, I never, ever, know exactly how it is to unfold, and when it does, I realize that that little glimpse I had was just one very small part out of all God was doing.

But this is what has been impressed like a blazing brand upon my heart and mind lately: Now. Yesterday's seasons have passed, and God knows exactly how their memories and lessons will play into what is to come. Tomorrow is not yet here, but rests in the faithful hands of the very Author of time. But every moment, this is what lies before me: Now. I can't change the past or the future, but I am given a choice in the now, right here. Will I trust my God, or look to my own strength? Will I focus on those around me, who may only be nearby for a short amount of time, or on myself, whom I'll be stuck with for my entire life? Will I seek their good, or my own? Will I be bold when the moment calls for it, or will I cower? Will I dare to trust my God?

As with every season, this moment in my life is coming to an end--rapidly! I have just over three weeks left on this campus...three. Three short weeks. And then I venture into yet another adventure-filled season which I have no idea what exactly it may look like. God's leading me back home, leading me to transfer colleges and embark on a brand new adventure in regards to...well, pretty much everything. Life as I know it is once again changing. 

And it means a lot of painful goodbyes. For that, I'm truly grateful, because it's proof that God has blessed me so richly by surrounding me with so many people that I love dearly in Him and who have impacted and enriched my life in ways they may never know. Goodbyes for me are always intensely bittersweet, because I can't seem to help but deeply love the people God puts in my path. Even the ones my heart aches and agonizes over because they are so far from Him...in fact, those people are sometimes the hardest to say goodbye to, because some part of me they may never fully see expressed is inwardly crying out on their behalf, yearning for them to behold the Living God. 

But somehow, all these dreaded, agonizing farewells have come to hold a very special place in my heart. They are a token of God's goodness, and a reminder that even in my most painful moments, He is faithful to sustain and His joy remains unquenched. They may be moments I'd rather live without (I hate goodbyes!), but they are moments I would have never had unless God had brought me to them, unless He had never put people in my life whom I could care this deeply for. 

Still it is before me: Now. I have right now. Yesterday is gone, and tomorrow awaits, but unless my gaze is set on Christ's face and ready for what He has to say and do in the right now, that now will pass away before I had the chance to live it. When my eyes are straining ahead to try to figure out steps I haven't yet gotten to, they fail to see the now that lies between me and that future ahead. It is now I am responsible for. But praise God, I do not have to bear that responsibility alone. My life is mine to yield to Him. Now. Right now, in this moment.

So don't take the now for granted. Pull your thoughts from your to-do list and rest in His faithfulness, in the right now. He sees the future. He knows. He's got it. Quit worrying and trying to get there on your own steam and in your own ways, and let the One who laid this path at your feet lead you from the now to the tomorrow. 

Whatever season you find yourself in right now, don't take it for granted. Don't let now slip by without you getting to taste the beauty of living it with the One who brought you to it. Don't let it fade into the yesterdays by treating it as though it were gone already. Treasure it. Treasure Him. Seek Him. Follow hard.

Rak khazak!

Take Your Kid to Work Day

There is a scene in The Lion King where Mufasa takes his son, Simba, up to the top of Pride Rock at dawn and tells him, "Everything the light touches is our kingdom." 

After Simba's awed response, the young lion cub looks around and asks, "What about that shadowy place?"

"That is beyond our borders," Mufasa replies. "You must never go there, Simba."

Well, unlike Mufasa, our Father, when He shows us what all is under His dominion, does not order us to stay out of "that shadowy place" where the Light doesn't seem to be reaching. Instead, He says, "That's Mine too; they just don't know it yet." And rather than ordering us to stay put while He goes and takes care of things, our Father takes us with Him to work. He shows us the ropes. He teaches us how to defeat the enemy by relying on Him, and by training us to be like Him, enables us to reach others and win souls right alongside Him. 

I used to pray as if God preferred to do everything Himself, like a dad who would rather fix the car the right way and get it done more quickly than he would if he were showing his son what was wrong and what to do. But then God started showing me the grandeur of His plan. He is perfectly able to quickly, effectively, and effortlessly make all things as they ought to be. He could have destroyed Lucifer and the angels the moment they rebelled, could have extinguished Adam and Eve the very moment they ate of the fruit. He could have simply eliminated the sin that was trying to wreak havoc on His perfect plan for creation. But He didn't. Why?

Because He had a greater plan. He let Lucifer rebel, let him try to destroy and usurp what was rightfully His. God has been thwarting Satan's plans every day since. It started with a promise--the promise of a Messiah who would come and set His people free. And for centuries upon centuries, Satan accused God of having a double-standard. How come he was punished and cast away from God's presence, while the humans weren't? How could He forgive them? 

And then Jesus came on the scene and paid the price of sin, fixing the problem by offering Himself as the sacrifice for God's wrath, taking the just penalty of sin on our behalf. He made a way for us to be justified in the eyes of a holy God. Not only that, He adopted us as His own children. Us, who didn't even deserve to be slaves or servants, because what we really deserved was death. But He made us heirs of His Kingdom. 

But you see, our Father will never die--not in a stampede of antelope, nor by any other means. He is eternal. So we do not inherit the Kingdom by waiting until the present King dies. No, in His infinite wisdom and glory, God has made a way for something far better. We don't have to sit around and watch Him do His work. Instead, we get to be part of it! 

God uses people. It seems like a bad idea to us sometimes--why use the imperfect to represent the Perfect?--but God knows exactly what He's doing. Incredibly, He is able to better prove to this world who He is and what He is about through imperfect vessels known as human beings, because His strength is proven in our weakness, and His goodness in the midst of even our failure. And He doesn't leave us to an endless cycle of failure and forgiveness, either. He teaches and leads and builds us in His ways, after His own image, enabling us to be more like Him the more we seek His face and bear His heart for those around us. 

Do we always get it right? No. But just like a father teaching his child how to do something, when we mess up, He makes good come of it. Sometimes He uses our failures simply as a learning experience, but He also turns those situations around and uses them for good. Through it all, He leads us to follow in His footsteps. 

Restless

Many times in my life, I have been restless. The reasons for restlessness have varied, but it's definitely been a recurring theme in my life. Sometimes, it's been a literal lack of rest--when I am not choosing moment-by-moment to trust in the Lord and His ability to work all things together according to His purposes, which are always far better than my own pitiful plans. Other times, however, I have experienced the type of restlessness that is more characterized by an earnest desire to see righteousness lived out, in my own life and the lives of others. And sometimes, it's sort of a combination of the two, when I want to see God's will happen, but fail to rest in His ability to accomplish it. 

There is, however, a certain restlessness we're called to as followers of Christ. It's the restlessness that cries out for God's Kingdom to come to this earth as it is in heaven, just as Jesus did (Matthew 6:10); the restlessness that relies on Him while yearning for Him to deliver and to have His way (Psalm 70:5), that shouts "Rak Khazak!" to others as it faces the seemingly-impossible, knowing that the Lord will overcome (2 Chronicles 32:7-8; Romans 8:31-39). It's the restlessness that causes us to forsake the temporary comforts this world offers us, and to plunge recklessly ahead into pursuing the fullness of the life Christ has given us--the eternal life which is defined as this: knowing Him (John 17:3; Psalm 16:11)...to count everything else as a loss compared with the greatness of knowing Him...to go all-out and be willing to sacrifice everything for the sake of following where He leads, trusting Him with everything He's given us. 

And so, today finds me restless. Restless in the desire to know Him more, restless to some extent in wanting  to move forward in certain things that He has shown me are part of His will for my life in the future, but also restless for the faith to trust Him more in everything, to seek His face and know His heart more and more, and to believe He will have His way. Restless for the world around me to see and know that He is God. I am restless to move forward in these things by continuing to entrust them to His perfect timing, for my ideas have never once proven to be better than His. So no matter how long I must wait, I will rest in confidence that the God who has never once failed to work all things together according to His good and glorious purposes will by no means fail to accomplish what He has promised. 

For example part of me wants to move into the Hood...now. In fact, if God were to suddenly tell me to drop out of college and move there, I'd do it in a heartbeat. But He hasn't, and it actually looks like He still has other plans for me in the meantime. And as I said, His plans are always better than mine, for He alone knows all things. So I will continue to trust Him with it all, to lay my life at His feet every day in surrender to His will, to follow where He leads and trust His steadfast faithfulness, knowing that when the time is right He will move things forward and it will all be far better than anything I could dream up or enact myself.

"I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in His word I hope; 

my soul waits for the LORD more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with Him is plentiful redemption. 

And He will redeem Israel from all his iniquities."

-Psalm 130:5-8