Fiercely

Jesus,
teach me to love fiercely--
to not give up for being wounded,
to not despair when change is not instant.
To not hold back for fear
or self-preservation.

Teach me not to accept,
but to love.
To open myself to all the pain of knowing fully.
Teach me to rebel against that which is not as it should be--
in my own heart as much as in others',
if not more.

Train my hands to fight.
Help my ears to hear.
Remind me it's not up to me,
that You are stronger,
and it's You who will deliver.

Train my eyes to see
where the past and the future meet,
to know the moment that is now,
in which all our histories collide
with the only story that can change their trajectory.

Teach me to love recklessly,
to hold nothing back, nothing in reserve.
Life is not lived when my eyes are on my own supply
or my own preservation.

Teach me not to back down from a fight,
not to assume I have no part to play,
not to pretend it's not my job to pray;
not my job to love those who are broken,
no matter how well put-together they appear.

Teach me to stand
when it seems everyone else is running,
to hold the ground next to someone
whom others fear will be struck by lightning.
Not to show they're right, but to prove they're loved.
Not to let things slide, but to hold them to a standard.

Let my brokenness reflect Your light.
In my weakness, prove Your thundering might.
We all know I'm not perfect.
We both know if it's up to me it's doomed.
Because my track record is a perfect row of failures,
But Yours is an unbroken streak of wins.

I've seen You redeem what seemed unfixable.
I've watched You bring victory
where all we've ever earned is loss.
I've seen You embrace the worthless
and pour all Your worth into us.

Teach me to love like You love:
to fight, to pursue, to defend;
to break myself to spare another;
to hope when all seems lost,
to grin in the darkness,
and sing in the desert.

Teach me to love with a heart of fire,
light as dangerous as it is warm,
unafraid to risk dying out
as it reaches to spark the nearest branch.

I have one life, one fleeting flame.
And I'd bet it's better to spend
what resources and time I have
trying to spread that fire rather than quench it,
striving to burn out brightly
rather than slowly wane.

So, Father, teach me to love,
and to love fiercely.

Brothers.

There is probably nothing and no one on this earth that has caused my heart more joy, more tears, more excitement, and more anguish over the years than brothers. I'm not just talking about the two I'm related to, although they are definitely at the top of that list, as they're the ones I am most tied to and thankful for. But I'm also talking about quite a few guys in my life--some of whom are my true brothers in Christ, and some of whom I have for years prayed and longed to see become that. I have brothers I know personally, and brothers I more know of (a group which stretches to include some music artists whom I feel connected to in part because of their music). But for me, on a certain level, they are all, undeniably, my brothers. I care about them on a deep level, and want to see them become all they can be, all they were created to be.

God has abundantly blessed me with many awesome brothers in Christ over the past few years--men whom I'd trust with my life and who can make me smile just thinking about them. I count it an honor to be "related" to these guys, to be able to share some portion of my life with them, and to get to know them well enough to pray specifically for what I see the Lord doing in and through them. God is building some incredible men after His heart in this generation; I can vouch for that.

As for my two younger brothers (who are stuck with me 'til they die or I do), I may never have words for how deeply I love them nor how fiercely I desire to see them become the men God has called them to be. My life and my sister's would have been dull, ugly, and pretty glum without our two youngest siblings and their laughs and adventures, and even their snide remarks about being taller than me. As much as they've aggravated or frustrated me at various points over the years, they have helped shape me in ways nobody else could, and I count it among my richest joys to be their sister. Greater things are yet to come in both my brothers' lives, and I cannot wait to see it all unfold.

There are also guys I've either grown up with or come to know at some point along the way, whom I've specifically felt called to pray for. I don't believe God puts anyone on your heart for no reason. Because of that, my heart will continue to cry out for them to see Him, to know Him, to yield up their lives and find that real life begins at that point of surrender, that the plans God has for them are so much bigger and greater and harder and infinitely more worthwhile than anything anyone but Him could ever dream up. I can't pretend my heart doesn't often break when I see or think of these guys, whom in my book are still brothers though they may be distant from our Father; but beyond the pain of hurting for where they're at, I see hope. I see potential, because I know God didn't put them on this earth for nothing, any more than He laid them on my heart for no reason.

I fight for my brothers. I don't just pray for them soft and sweet. Sure, maybe I do at times, but for the most part, when I'm praying for any of my brothers, there's this sort of growl that rises up inside my soul. It's often a battle, a pleading with the One who is stronger to overthrow the attempts of enemy forces to thwart His plans for my brothers' lives, a blatant defiance towards the lies that either say there's no hope or that the place they're at is "good enough" when God's still got bigger plans for them.

Because no matter how far any of my brothers have come, the fact they're still breathing means their purpose on this earth is not finished yet. I've been blessed to the point of awe to see God answer prayers that asked Him to do more than I knew to ask in brothers' lives. There are deeper and greater and harder and more glorious things ahead.

So bros, whether I've tossed a football or a frisbee with you, played tag or "dogs" or Jedis or Nintendo with you when we were younger, worked with you, or just talked with you; whether I've known you for a month or a decade (or more)...chances are, I've prayed for you (for the vast majority of you, it's been too many times to count). And it's not that I don't pray for my sisters; but there's something that kicks into gear when it comes to praying for my brothers that's incredibly hard to describe. I want to see each of you become all you can be, but even as you are every single one of you has blessed my life in one way or another.

So run hard. Love deeply. Surrender recklessly. Look up.
God's plans for you are better than I can know, but I'll keep looking for glimpses of them. And I won't stop praying for you.

Rak khazak!
-Kala

An Open Letter to Switchfoot

{First off, let me state simply that although the term "open letter" bears the connotation (due to  a long history) of being political-type tools for sparking debates--that is not what I intend this to be. In fact, that's far from my intent with this open letter. Rather, this is partially me striving to walk out what I talk about, and partially me attempting to counteract a cycle of criticism and attack when it comes to us Christians and what we believe vs. what we think our brothers or sisters believe. I'm not saying that rebuke and correction are wrong--they are most certainly a necessary part of doing life together and pressing one another closer to Christ--but there is also a time and a place for encouragement and exhortation. More often than you might think, correction and encouragement even go hand-in-hand. As for me, this letter is meant more as a public thank-you than a critique.}

Dear Switchfoot (a.k.a. Jon, Tim, Jerome, Chad, and Drew),

Guys, I just want to say thank you for sticking it out and continuing on a road that I know hasn't always (or ever?) been easy for all these years. Thank you for your unashamed honesty and vulnerable transparency through your music, interviews, concerts, etc. I haven't seen Fading West yet, but a couple days ago I was blessed to be able to see you in concert for the first time, here in Memphis. It was an awesome time, and more encouraging than I feel able to put into words. I've been listening to your music for the past ten or so years, and God's really used it at so many points in my life--sometimes to encourage, sometimes to convict, almost always to sharpen my focus on things. There is perhaps no more vulnerable position to be in than to pour out your heart to people who don't know you, to put your art out there where anyone can see/hear it, where more than a few can (and have) come away with a wrong impression of what you're striving to communicate. Thank you for being persistent in putting yourselves outside your comfort zones and daring to continue to be honest in your lives and your music.

I've listened to a lot of bands/artists over the years, but I have to say Switchfoot holds a unique role in my journey. The first song of y'all's I ever heard was "Dare You to Move," and when you played that one at the concert it took me back to so many moments it's been instrumental in--from the comforting and peaceful effect it had as the only familiar song coming over the radio to a nervous twelve-year-old in a doctor's office, to various moments waking up to it during high school and reminding me that "Today never happened before." I can't tell you how many times any one of your songs has pushed me to think through things more intentionally.

And I have to tell you that it hasn't always resulted in a better stance on my part. I must admit that for a season (specifically after I first bought and listened to Nothing Is Sound) I was really disheartened by your music, because it felt like you were emphasizing so much the darkness and the disconnect, the things so wrong with this world we live in--that you didn't have enough emphasis on the hope that exists on the flip-side of all that. I felt letdown, in a way (no pun intended), because it seemed to me that y'all had gotten overly cynical. At that point in my life, letdowns like that felt irreversible; I was under the impression that once someone I respected started to show signs of faltering, it was only the beginning of an inevitable, downward spiral.

But you see, that is exactly why you guys ended up with this unique and special role. I can't remember specifically which song or album I was listening to, but the moment still stands out in my memory, alone in my backyard with a portable CD player and a pair of headphones, gazing up into a starry sky and expressing to God my feelings disappointment. And He responded. He answered my despair with a gentle, loving rebuke: "So pray for them." It was no audible voice, and not even something that can necessarily completely fit into words, but He impressed on my heart that night a glimpse into the reality He has since been leading and training me in, that my position is not that of a helpless bystander, and that my job is not merely to applaud or disapprove of anyone else's actions (or music). That night was when God first started teaching me not to give up on people.

So I kept listening to Switchfoot. And I kept praying. And this has been one of the most significant instances in my life that I can point to and testify that prayer doesn't just change who or what you're praying for; it changes you. And more often than not, it's been my heart that needs to change, moreso than the circumstances I'm praying about. That's been the story of this journey with my encounter(s) with your music. I admit, I've been arrogant at times, judged myself capable of knowing where y'all's hearts were at through hearsay and a handful of song fragments; thinking I could guess your motives when I heard about your "going mainstream" and facing much of the same fierce debate and criticism Lecrae is presently wading through. But over and over again, God kept pressing me back to my knees about it. I didn't know exactly what I was praying for, what it would look like if and when those prayers were answered; I just knew that I wasn't allowed to throw my hands up and walk away. I knew that even when I didn't agree with every line of every song (and to be honest, there are still some I disagree with), it was not left to me to frown, condemn, and turn away.

Why? Because y'all are my brothers. 

I may not know you, may never have a conversation with any of you, but I am bound to you with blood that runs thicker than any merely-human blood ever could. Even if we don't see completely eye-to-eye on everything, even if we have completely different lifestyles and schedules and routines, we're all following the same King. We're all learning to walk out His love more truly day by day, seeing more and more clearly that, indeed, "Love alone is worth the fight." We're all learning to see ourselves and others more like He sees us and less like the world does. We're all in this thing together.

So thank you. Thank you for being honest in a world that pushes for fake images...for daring to walk a path of risk and adventure and discomfort...for pouring your hearts and lives out night after night to share your songs with strangers and friends alike...for demonstrating love in the face of animosity...for being humble in your honesty and down-to-earth in your presentation...for directing the loudest applause toward someone else...for speaking (and singing) the truth in love. After all these years, I have to say you guys have proven yourselves and your message by how you have walked it all out. Keep changing the world, one step, one song, one smile at a time. And know that I'm still in your corner, and still praying for you. Keep living it out!

For His glory,
-Kala

The Adventure

There's a truth that's gradually come to my attention within the past year or so, which lately has also become a challenge to my soul:

Life is supposed to be an adventure. 

It explains a lot. It explains why we as humans are so drawn to adventure, whether it be in a fictional story in a book or a movie, or the more real-life adventures like camping, hiking, and such. But perhaps before I go too far down the road of what this means, I should backtrack and give some evidence that this is truth and not just my own opinion.
First, how about a definition of "eternal life"? After all, that is what we as Christians are promised, correct? I know in our day and age "eternal life" is seen to mean simply that when we die, we will go to live forever in heaven. Well, guess how Jesus defined it?

"And this is life eternal, that they might know Thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, Whom Thou has sent."        -John 17:3

That's right, eternal life is knowing God. I wonder if you're caught as stunned and simply awestruck as I was a few weeks ago when my sister brought that verse up in a conversation. I'm sure I had read it before, but quite certain it had never hit home until then. And get this, the Greek word translated there as "know" is actually pretty specific; it means intimately knowing someone in the way a husband and wife know each other. Jesus isn't talking about being simply acquainted with Him. See, He is eternal life.

"I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life: no man cometh unto the Father but by Me." -John 14:6

 Now, back to the adventure aspect. Let me ask you something, is a life of total abandon and surrender to a call to lay down everything (including our lives, for we are not our own [see 1 Corinthians 6:19-20])--does that sound like a dull, ordinary life? Sure doesn't to me. And look at the other side of this calling we have as Christians: we get to know Jesus Christ, and we get to be transformed by Him, into His likeness. And we're called to fight! I love the analogy in Ephesians 6 when Paul tells us to "put on the armor of God." Why would we wear armor, why would we have a sword, if we're not in the midst of a battle?

There's this myth that has been readily embraced by the majority of American churches and Christians these days. It goes like this: There are only a few select Christians in every generation that are called to step up and live out a radical Christianity that stands out, that accomplishes much for the Kingdom of God, that brings them ridicule and scorn; there are a few called-out ones in each generation who will step up and take the lead, and live a fully yielded and poured-out life for Jesus. I used to believe it, too. But guess what? I've got news for ya. Know how many times this idea is backed up by Scripture? ZERO.
When Jesus is saying "Whosoever will come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me,"
do you see some little exemption clause anywhere in the surrounding text? Did He pause just then and say, "Well, those are the requirements for My followers who are to be the 'extreme' ones. But the rest of you..." Um, no.
Let's pause for just one second, too, and take a look at those requirements our King laid out for us:
Whosoever--anyone, whoever
will--The word implies an exertion of the will. This is no flippant decision.
come after--follow, pursue
Me--Jesus, the Messiah, Emmanuel (God with us), the King of all kings, the Lamb that was slain...
let him
deny--renounce completely 
himself--all you are, including your desires, your dreams, your talents...everything that defines you
take up--pick up, carry
his--your own
cross--an instrument of torture and death (sound fun?)
and--plus, in addition to
follow--pursue, keep company with, become disciple of, side with
Me--our King, our Master, our Life, our Leader, our Example-Setter, our Savior...


THIS is what we're called to. These are the requirements that Jesus Christ Himself set for all who would follow Him, who would be called by His Name. And last time I checked, we're not at all capable in our own strength and abilities to do any of this--which is where the adventure comes in. He didn't leave us with an impossible task and no means of carrying it out. We have His very Spirit dwelling inside us, transforming our minds by the power of His Word and changing our hearts as we come to intimately know Him, as we willingly offer ourselves to Him as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to Him.

See what I mean? ADVENTURE! The adventure of a lifetime awaits...

And that's exactly what has been challenging me lately with sweet conviction. I have tasted such adventure. I've walked these trails, or the beginnings of them. But there's deeper to go--so much deeper! Indeed, with an infinitely great God, there shall always be more of Him to know. So why do I sometimes catch myself sitting on the sidelines, watching my life drag by without this sense of adventure? The answer, though painful, is simple: the times that happens are the times I have taken my gaze off Christ. It happens when I choose to live for myself and to simply go through the motions instead of living moment-by-moment completely consumed by and caught up in the wonder of all He is and all He has in store. When I'm not getting my directions from Him, I tend to flounder. When I'm not pursuing Him and more of Him, I find myself and my life seeming strange and empty.
I don't know about you, but I for one love adventure. And the last thing I want is to live a boring, ordinary life when I'm called to more. So let's shake off the complacency that has settled in in our comfortable, safe Christianity, and chase the adventure God's set before us. Let's run this race with endurance, not staggering or fainting from fatigue, but leaning wholly upon His mighty strength in our weakness, so that we may truly run and not grow faint, but instead rise up on wings as eagles'. Let's press hard and stop settling for less than what God has in store--settling for less than eternal life, which is knowing Him. Onward!

"Have I not commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."        -Joshua 1:9

Revival--Do We Really Desire It?

Well, I'm home for the second day between getting home from Colorado (visiting Ellerslie and some of my dear brothers and sisters in Christ there), and departing again for my youth group's roadtrip to Youth America tomorrow. I should be packing. Or should I? Packing can wait; what God is pressing on my heart cannot. I don't think I can wait another week before I write about it. So, here goes. 

About a month ago, I wrote a song that was inspired both by what God has been teaching me, and by a quote from Keith Green. When I read his biography, No Compromise, a year or two ago, there were several quotes that jumped off the page at me, but there is only one I can remember word-for-word. In his journal one day Keith Green wrote, "Lord, let there be revival and let it begin in me!" 

For years, I have longed to see true revival sweep through my generation, setting them on fire for God and His Kingdom. But at the same time, I was content to remain as I was. In retrospect, if I were now to put into words the cry and attitude of my heart even just about a year ago, it would be something like this:

"Lord, reveal Yourself to my generation and change them! They need You so desperately, and rather than surrendering to You and living as they were created to and glorifying You, they are pursuing vain and pitiful things of this world, leading themselves only to darkness, despair, and destruction. You've brought me to truly know You; now bring them to this place, that they may see how much better their lives could really be when You are the center as You ought to be." Up to this point, this is likely what my verbal prayers would have looked like. But there was another side, a side I was blind to at the time. While crying out for others to know God, my heart was inwardly saying at the same time, "But, God, I'm perfectly content to remain at this spot where I am. I think I've reached the place where I'm ready to do Your work in the areas You've called me to, ministering to my little circle of influence, and if You make a way for it, to a larger audience. But we're good. I've reached the epitome of knowing You, and need go no further. I know I'm called to be kind of "radical" in a way, but not to the same extreme as some of Your followers from times past." I had no longing to know Him more, no desire to be further conformed into His image and to be made strong so that I would have strength to pour out for others. 

And just in the past year or so, God has brought me to my knees on that point. He's shown me that following Him truly means laying everything else at His feet, fully yielding all I am and all I have to give to Him, giving up my preconceived "rights" and allowing Him to have His way in and with my life in every aspect. I've not reached the end of what the Christian life looks like, but merely the beginning. I've only glimpsed a preview of His glory, of His designs for my generation, of His heart, and of all that He truly is. Though it is definitely hard to relinquish everything, it is more than worth it. Why would or should we cling to the filthy pebbles of our own desires, goals, dreams, and comfort, when there are infinite riches to be had in knowing the Creator of the Universe Himself, the Almighty King over all, the Savior, the God Who is with us and Who in His utterly mind-boggling design has made a way where there was no way, for us to know Him (for this is eternal life--John 17:3) and to be part of His plans? Why on earth would we settle for less than the intense beauty and incredible adventure of a life spent with and for Him?! 

Recently, God has been breaking me in a deeper way. He has been humbling me, revealing to me just how hard my heart still is, how much I desperately need Him to change me and to give me a heart that beats in accordance with His. He's been showing me how much I myself am in need of revival within my soul. So what is revival? Once upon a time I thought it meant something like these huge events where speakers rent out a sports stadium and present the Gospel, where the unsaved come to believing faith in their Savior. But that's not it, or perhaps I should say that's not the full definition of the word revival, but merely the beginning of it. Revival is much deeper than praying a dictated prayer. It's more than an emotional decision that may or may not stand the next day or week or month or year. Revival is a condition of soul where an individual beholds the awesome holiness of God, and falls to his face before Him. Revival is a yielding up of body, soul, mind, and spirit to the only One who is worthy of such sacrifice. Revival is when the Holy Spirit of the Living God comes in like a fire and burns away everything of self and sin, igniting the soul of the believer like the burning bush to display the Life of God within. 

Earlier I mentioned a song...Here it is. I pray that God brings you to this same place of yearning for revival, not just in our generation and our world, but within your own soul. For there cannot be true revival if God's people do not allow Him to begin with them. 

Revival Song

What will revival mean if You don't bring it in me?

What joy can anything bring if You're not the One I seek?

Lord, break my heart afresh and keep my eyes on You.

I can't do this on my own, and I know I don't want to.

     So, Lord, let there be revival,

     And, please, begin it in me!

     Jesus, take this heart of stone

     And give me one that beats

     And yearns for You alone.

On these days when I slip into the routine of my life,

Return my gaze to You, and be Lord of my life.

I'm done living ordinary. Lord, transform, use me for Your glory!

'Cause this life is not about me. It was made to be lived for You.

     So, Lord, let there be revival,

     And, please, begin it in me!

     Jesus, take this heart of stone

     And give me one that beats

     And yearns for You alone.

  My life is not my own, for I was bought with a price.

  Jesus, take full possession of all my life.

  You are my King. May I daily reckon that as so,

  Not with my mouth only, bu with all my soul. 

  Lord, break my heart for what breaks Yours.

  This life is not worth living if You're not its source!

     So, Lord, let there be revival,

     And, please, begin it in me!

     Jesus, take this heart of stone

     And give me one that beats

     And yearns for You alone.

It is impossible to truly come face-to-face with God and remain unchanged. Will you yield?

Jesus, whatever it takes, draw Your people to Yourself. May we behold Your glory, and fully yield ourselves and our lives to be willing vessels, shining it forth for all to see the Light of the World. The nations shall know that You are the Lord.