Why Am I Here?

Lately I've been realizing more and more how atypical I am, how ironic my life right now really is. I'm not your typical college student. I didn't come to college to get a high-paying job, to afford a nice house and a fancy car, to have a husband, 1.3 kids, and a dog. I'm not here to find a man. I'm not here to prove myself, academically or otherwise. I'm not here to get away from home and my family. It seems like I'm not here for any of the possible reasons most people go to college. So why am I here?

Honestly, that's something I questioned a lot, particularly during my first month or so here at MC. If you don't believe me, ask the people back home who, when I came home one weekend for a visit a few weeks into school, asked how college was and all I could say was an emphatic, "It's good to be home!" I had to wrestle through this question, because from the start I haven't been here for any of the reasons I just listed. During those first few weeks, I repeatedly found myself asking God, "Am I really supposed to be here? Can I please drop out?" A large part of what made me want to be anywhere but here is just how grieved I was to see the spiritual state of things. I'm at a university that calls itself Christian, but with all the distractions, the complacency, the subtle lies that seem to surround and permeate this campus on so many levels, at first especially it was hard for me to see any signs of life or hope. 

God's been clear with me all along that this is where He's called me. And so with that for me to cling to, He has shown me step by step that there is nothing too daunting for Him, that He is greater and stronger than everything that tries to pull the people on this campus away from Him. Through reminding me of who He is and what He wills to do, God has given me joy and faith and the grace to persevere here. 

So you might be wondering at this point why I am here. Well, in some ways I have answers to that, and in some ways I don't. Ultimately, I'm here for God's glory. Whether that means being here to be a real friend to some of the people He's put me in contact with and to live out my faith before them, or to seize hidden opportunities to serve and bless people even if they'll never know who did it, or to give a much-needed hug to one of the cleaning staff...I cannot imagine or list all the ways God can possibly use me, even in the little things, here. 

But why am I at college, earning a degree? Well, here's where you're about to see just how atypical a college student I am. =)

I'm at college to hone some skills and to earn a degree which will hopefully help me get a job editing (though I may easily wind up working for minimum wage at a gym or a fast-food chain instead), to make end's meat and go live in the "hood," to take the Gospel to those who need it and know they need it and to live among them daily as a witness of God's grace, to take on the principalities and spiritual powers that have claimed their turf in the heart of my city, and to watch my God fight for us and prove to everyone Who is the Lord Most High. I fully expect to die with a bullet in my head one day, or something similar. And, call me crazy, but what better way to go than to die standing and fighting for my God to be known by those whom Satan will fight tooth-and-nail to see destroyed?

So that's why I'm here, and it all starts now. On my own, I am completely incapable of any of this. But greater is He who is in me than he that is in this world, and I will live and die to prove that. 

Daily, may I live and die to prove that. Daily, may I lay down my rights, my desires, my way, and watch You fill me with the fullness of all You are, King Jesus. You are the Way. You are the Truth. You are the Life. You are Love. You are Lord of all, so be Lord of all I am. Have Your way.